Undercover

I've decided to start video blogging. You all have to see what I see from a dad's perspective. Yesterday was a cool and rainy Sunday. A perfect day to relax, snooze, or work on projects which need to be wrapped up (what i do every weekend it seems like). The older two girls were in need of a nap after lunch so I asked them politely to "go get under their sheets and take a nap." God Love them. Note to self: Children at this age do not know the difference between a general or literal statement. They are probably too young for the "if your friends jumped off a bridge" talk. Anyway I'll let the video speak for itself. Hope you enjoy...

Honey

Sorry for not blogging lately... it's been crazy getting settled into the new job (which is awesome) and getting taxes done. I'll get back on track and post more on a regular basis with my point of view from TDR.

This morning it was unusually cold. A strong storm moved through on Sunday and the temperature dropped from mid 70's to mid 40's. Night time temperatures dipped to below freezing. This morning it was a cold 29 degrees with a heavy frost that clung to everything like a bad haircut. I started the car so it would be warm for the girls on the way to school.

We pile into the car and head out singing along with the CD in the player. As we stopped at a stoplight, Chloe, now talking like a perfect little chatter box, looked over at the empty field and said "Where are all of the cows, Daddy?"

Before I could give her an answer, Emma put her hand on Chloe's arm and said "Honey, they are in the barn sitting on their eggs to keep them warm" and then turned away to look at the traffic light and wait to continue on our way to school.

I'm not sure which was funnier - the fact that Emma talks like she's my age, or that she thinks that cows lay eggs. Perhaps it's a combination that makes it so cute.

Much love, my girls...

Cool

We spent the morning together as a family. A great breakfast and trip to Lowe's to look at crown molding for the house, outdoor furniture, plants etc and then on to walmart. As we were driving around I turned my cap sideways and Christina looked at me as if I was a total idiot.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm lookin' cool, baby!" I said.

From way back in the van I heard Emma quietly say "Um, no you aren't Daddy."

Inner Fire

It has finally happened. Emma has found her "Inner Fire". She has been walking around the house for the past few days talking about it. She loves it. It makes her feel better and soothes her when she's upset. This morning on the way to school I asked her what her Inner Fire was.

"You know Daddy, it's that cow in my bedroom that blows smoke out of his ears when we sleep." She said.

"Ooooooooooooooooooh" I replied. "You mean your humidifier?"

"Yeah that thing." she said as she watched big trucks go by out of her window.

Chasin' Rabbits

So the new job seems to be going great. I love it. Of course I miss the friends I've made over the years at my old job but I am learning so much so quickly it's making my head spin. I actually started messing around with programming in the new language yesterday. Today I jumped in and helped make some text and database update changes to a site that is supposed to launch tomorrow. As with any job change, it is a little stressful and I have broken out a little on my forehead and neck. I've got this darkly colored bump on my (large) forehead and it really doesn't feel too good. I'm saying this because Emma just cracked me up at dinner.

I was explaining to the Mrs. how I was talking to my new boss today and explained to him that I really do good at chasing rabbits down holes (ie exploring client needs and creating functional design) but he needs to tie a rope to me so he can pull me out if I get lost down their (ie get too ahead of myself.)

Emma looked right at me and said in regards to my large bump on my forehead, "Daddy did you get that dirt on your head from crawling down a rabbit hole?"

Me and the Mrs. just laughed and laughed.

We love you Emma (and Chloe and Lydia!!!)

Roosters Laughed

This weekend went by so fast as they always seem to. Friday was my last day at a job I've had for 5 years. It was a great place to work but I'm moving to a web design firm to really try to get back into my programming roots. Yesterday I didn't do much. I was going to work on the girls' bathroom and finish the grout work on the tile but by the time I got around to doing it, it was already late in the day. I wrapped up a few small projects yesterday and promised the Mrs. that I would finish the floor on Sunday.

So as I promised, I got up and strapped on the old knee pads (oh yeah they're sexy) and got the grout saw and finished scraping the tile in preparation for laying the new grout. That really is a work out. While grouting I lifted the bucket and turned a weird way and re-pulled the muscle in my back I pulled with a huge sneeze a few weeks back when I had the flu. Needless to say but I'm in a lot of pain at the moment.

I cleaned up after finishing the bathroom floor and we took the girls to Mr. Gatti's for dinner. Fresh pizza always beats delivered pizza. On the way home I started singing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. I know it's March. I'm not crazy. When we get to the part where the song goes "... And they shouted out with glee", Emma always tilts her little head back and squeals "YIPPIEEEEEEEEEEE!" That makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

So I continue singing....

"... and they shouted out with glee..." [waits for the YIPPIEEEEEEE]

"... and they shouted out with glee..." [waits for the YIPPIEEEEEEE]

"... AND THEY SHOUTED OUT WITH GLEE.....?" [waits yet again for the YIPPIEEEEEEEE]


From the back I hear Emma say "I'm not singing, Daddy."

"Oh well excuse me then!" I laughed.

Of course she couldn't help but start to sing.

"Daddy I'm going to sing and you need to be quiet." She said.

"OK sure thing!" I replied.

So she breaks into her own version of Roudolph and when she got to the part where it goes "All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."

Emma said...


"Roosters laughed and called him names..."

I peed on myself a little after that.

King Lizard Cheater

Sorry for not keeping the blog updated. It's quite crazy for me at the moment because I'm switching jobs and I'm short on time for a little while.

This past weekend my folks kept the kids on Friday night as me and the Mrs. went out to our favorite sushi place in town. We returned and visited with mom and dad for a bit and then headed home.

Once in the van, Emma said "Hey Daddy - Pop Pop told me a great Bible story tonight about Daniel and his house full of lions."

I couldn't help but chuckle... "Oh wow! I bet that was an exciting story. Can you tell me? I asked.

"Well..." she began, "Once upon a time there was a boy named Daniel. He loved God a lot and tried to do everything that God said to do. He had dreams and told people about his dreams. One day King Lizard Cheater got mad at him and threw him in a house full of lions but he didn't get eaten, Daddy. The lions just kind of laid there. The End."

Now at this point I about swerved off the road laughing. "King Lizard Cheater?" I asked as I tried to catch my breath.

"Uh huh." She said.

"Baby I think you're trying to say King Nebuchadnezzar." I explained.

"YEAH!" She said. "King Nebby Nezzer..."

"That's right baby, King Nebby Nezzer." I laughed.

Shavin' With Daddy

I remember when I was about 5 years old seeing my dad shave for the first time. I thought it was so cool. He let me play with the shaving cream and dabbed some on my nose. I can still remember how light and fluffy that stuff felt and I was amazed. I would also soon learn that it doesn't taste nearly as good as it smells. I remember sitting on the toilet watching him as he told me how careful you had to be and that you should always shave "with the grain" or it will hurt. He also said to always use a sharp razor. I also remember the rust ring the can left on the sink and wondered how that could happen since the sink wasn't metal.

Jump forward about 32 years. We have all been sick for about 2 weeks and it appears that Lydia and I are the last ones to get the flu. I have been feeling icky all weekend long and last night I spiked a 105 degree fever. Lydia has about a 102 fever. I thank God that everyone else seems to be getting better.

So since I have been feeling under the weather I really just wanted to sit around the house and take it easy. Perhaps I took it to the extreme because the last shower I took was Friday morning before work. I figured it was about time to clean up so after dinner I went into the bathroom to shave before taking a shower. As I reached under the sink to get the shaving cream, I heard little feet scurrying across the tile floor.

"Hi Daddy - what are you doing?" Emma asked.

"I'm getting ready to shave, baby." I replied.

"Oh. Ok. What's that stuff?" she asked pointing to the can of shaving cream.

"That is shaving cream." I said as i squirted some out and lathered up my face.

"You look funny - like Santa" she said as I now had a white beard of shaving cream.

"I guess I do." I said.

"What's that?" she asked as she pointed to my razor.

"That's Daddy's razor. I use this to shave off my whiskers. Now you don't touch this thing. It is really sharp and could cut you." I gently instructed.

As I began to shave, Emma asked "Daddy why are you cutting off your wixers?"

"Well if they get too long they start to itch." I replied.

"What is that black stuff in the water?" Emma asked as she pointed to my whiskers.

"That's Daddy's whiskers I shaved off." I replied.

"Ooooooooooh. Will your wixers grow back, daddy?" She asked.

"They sure will. I Shave them off about every other day." I said.

"Oh - I see." Emma said.

I smiled at her in the mirror and when I turned my head I guess she saw the other side of my head. As most men, I was in a hurry to shave and evidently had shaving cream in my ear.


"OH MY GOD DADDY - IT'S IN YOUR EAR!!!" Emma shouted.

I'm not one to really take the Lord's name in vain but I'm sure the angels couldn't help but giggle over that one.

I love you Emma.

25 in the morning!

Usually, the girls are up before I am. Perhaps they have superhuman hearing and can hear the daylight breaking on the other side of the horizon. It's quite amazing. Put them to be at 7pm, they're up at 545am. Put them to bed at 9pm, they are up at 545am. Anyway this morning I was able to get a little sweet revenge. I woke up early and got ready for work this morning and the girls had not yet stirred from their slumber. I rubbed their backs to gently wake them up and then turned the light on.

"Daddy I love you this much all by myself!" said Chloe with outstretched arms.

"Good morning baby... Are you ready to go to school?" I asked.

"UH HUH!" she said excitedly.

I turned to Emma and saw her smiling behind her red hair which was hanging like a shaggy coat over her eyes.

"Come on Emma let's get dressed." I said.

She arched her back and looked up at the Cinderella alarm clock perched on her dresser.

As she flopped back down on her pillows she mumbled "Awwwwwwwwwww Dad - it's 25 in the morning..."

I love the cute way you are starting to tell us what time it is.

It's not easy being green!

Last night I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner per the usual nightly routine and the Mrs. and I started talking about conserving energy and buying organic stuff. Now we're not paranoid or conservative nut jobs by any measure. However, with three little girls looking up at us, we just feel that it is important to do our part to pass on a cleaner and better off world to them. So we agreed that we're going to replace our incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescent ones, start to recycle, and if things work out financially - going off the power grid and using solar energy. I've actually been researching that and we can generate more than enough free energy to power our house from day to day, save some in reserves, and get a reverse power meter to actually sell excess energy to the electric company. How cool is that? It's expensive to do so I'll have to figure it out but it could be a huge selling point on our house if we sell in the next X years.

"I really want to go green!" the Mrs. said enthusiastically.

"Noooooooooooooooo mommy!" replied Emma. "I want you to stay the color you are. I don't want you to be green."

Emma you are precious. We love you very much.

Good Snuggly Morning!

On most mornings, the two older redheads are up before Mommy and Daddy. They either go upstairs to play in their playroom, sit on the couch and wait for the TV to be turned on, or as in most cases, come wake us up.

This morning, the sun seemed to take its own time waking up and it was darker than usual so the girls actually slept in until around 6:45am. I was getting ready for work and didn't see them upstairs, on the couch, or under the covers on my side of the bed like they appear from time to time.

I crept quietly through the morning darkness and stood at the doorway of the girls' room so that I could see them but they couldn't see me. Morgan Dog was standing with his front paws on Emma's bed and Emma was delighted to be hugging him and just petting his head. Chloe was laying on her side with her head propped up by her little hand and she was quietly observing the actions taking place across the room.

After a quiet giggle she said "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Morgan Boy!"

Good Snuggly Morning, Girls! Be good girls for Mommy today...

Mydoitmyseef

Dearest Little Chloe -

How you make my head spin. You are growing up so fast and talking so well. I hope you know how much your Mommy and I love you. I wish you could stay a baby for a little while longer but I know you must join your sister in Youngladyhood. You are more precious than words can express. You are growing into a wonderful little lady for sure and I love your independent spirit - especially the part where you smile real big and say "No Daddy - My do it all by myyyyyyyyyseeeeeeeeeeeeeeef". Kisses and hugs baby girl. Dream sweetly.

"Rated R" Rabbit

Today at lunch Emma and I had a short but interesting conversation:

"Daddy I'm watching Buster the Bunny." She said.

"Buster's a good show. Do you know what his last name is?" I asked.

"Yes. It's Buster.... Buster Bastard." She replied innocently.

It is amazing just how loud your eyes sound when you blink in complete silence.

Ballerina Soccer

I was putting Emma to bed last night and was pulling the sheets up and over her when she sat up in bed with this look of sadness on her little face.

"Daddy I can't find my ballerina soccer!" she whispered as not to wake her little sister who was snoring softly on the other side of the bedroom.

"What is that baby?" I asked.

"Well," she began, "it's for my ballerina and soccer." she said.

[She is taking neither ballet nor soccer]

"Um ok what does it look like?" I asked.

"It's orange and white and yellow and green and goes like this..." she said as she wiggled her finger in a downward motion.

"Ok great that helps a LOT!" I laughed

"THERE IT IS DADDY!" she said in a relieved voice as she grabbed it from under her snuggly yellow blanket.

"Well let's put ballerina soccer up here on your dresser while you are asleep." I said.

"Ok good idea - that will keep it safe!" she said I took what felt like paper from her little hands.

I put it safely on the dresser and kissed her goodnight and tucked her in. I went back into the den to continue working but my curiosity got the best of me and I returned to their bedroom to see exactly what was this prized possession.

It turns out it was a piece of paper neatly folded into quarters but slightly crumpled and moist from sweaty little hands. I walked over to the doorway so I could see this thing in the pale yellow light sneaking out of their bathroom.

I opened it up and saw nothing but squiggly lines on it.

It had to either be a list of things she wants to do, or a permission letter to take ballet or play soccer.

Good night my big baby girl.

May the soccer ballerinas pirouette happily in your dreams.

Holiday Football

Baking assorted goodies for the Christmas Feast - $192.57

Decking the Halls in assorted lights for 4 redheaded women - $250.39

Making sure that three little girls had a very merry Christmas - $753.22

Snuggling with your oldest baby on a rainy Christmas afternoon and hearing her say "Merry Christmas Daddy - You have a head shaped like a football!"


PRICELESS


It was indeed a very Merry Christmas. The Dude Room wishes you and yours the same!


NOTE: All prices are for humor purposes only. The Dude does not have high enough security clearance to view receipts so he doesn't know the amount spent during the holidays. No children were harmed during the making of this blog post. This blog post is not tested on animals and is certified hypoallergenic by the FDA, USDA, NSA, FBI, FAA, CIA, IRS and the YMCA. This post will not cause global warming. Never tease this blog post. You should not read this blog post if you are pregnant, could become pregnant, or intend to become pregnant. Reading this post could cause abnormal laughter and snorting. Do not read this blog post while driving or sipping hot beverages. Do not look directly at the blog while reading. The blog may suddenly change directions and leave you dazed and confused. Do not read this blog post if you have experienced any of the following over the past 48 hours: Vertigo, fear of small rodents, drooling, excessive eating or drinking, Too Much Electronic Toys also known as TMET's Syndrome, or an erection lasting for more than 4 hours. Reading this blog while on MAO inhibitors may cause a sudden drop in blood pressure, difficulty urinating, apoxia, clubbed feet or Pillsbury Doughboy hands.

Doyah Pooyups

Last night was a tough one for the girls. Chloe actually took a nap but was still tired. Emma decided she didn't want to take a nap and was really tired. They both get really whiny when they need to go to bed. During the day, the Mrs. called me and I could tell she was near the end of her rope. She put the girls on the phone and I told each one of them to take a nap. I'm not sure if Chloe took what I said to heart or if she just decided to nap on her own. I also told the girls if they didn't take a nap, they'd get a Daddy Spankin' or something else when I got home.

So I walked into the house last night and asked Chloe if she took a nap. She shook her head and said "uh huh". I turned to Emma and she said "NO I'M GOING TO STAY UP ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT." That went over well.

"Do you want a spanking on your hand or on your bottom?" I asked.

"On my bottom but just a widdle spanking, ok?" She said.

As my heart was shattering inside, I said "Well that kind of defeats the purpose of spankings. I tell you what, I don't think that this deserves a spanking so what is something you want to do after dinner?"

"I want to eat a Christmas cookie!" she said.

"Well since you didn't take a nap today like mommy and daddy said, you cannot have a Christmas cookie." I replied.



[ Insert various pouting and tantrums here]


Once she had that out of her system we changed into our pajamas and started to wind down for the night. Emma was still whining so I told her if she kept it up, I'd put her back into baby diapers. She would not have that.

She stood up and dropped her PJs and said

"NO DADDY I'M GOING TO WEAR WOMAN PANTIES."

As she was pulling up her PJs, Chloe dropped hers and nodded her head and said "DOYAH POOYUPS - MY DO IT!"

That is her way of telling me she is going to wear Dora Pull-ups and she'll put them on and take them off as she sees fit.

Rock on my little independent ladies.


I then cuddled with all three of my daughters in my chair. Emma was on the right side. Chloe was bouncing on my knee and little sweet Lydia was nestled in the crook of my left arm. The Christmas tree was brightly lit in the corner of the den and I read A Berry Merry Christmas (Srawberry Shortcake and Friends) to my girls. I'm not sure who was having more fun.

Crickets

Yet another post from the dude room about events that happened during dinner. I am working so many hours, that is the only time I have to visit with my family.

Tonight the Mrs. made yet another yummy dinner. As we were finishing Emma was being so silly naming animals and then "how they sound". However, with her being silly she was mismatching things on purpose.


"Daddy do you know how a horse goes?" she asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" she giggled.

"Daddy do you know how a cow goes?" she asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"bawk bawk bawk!" she said as she flapped her arms.

"Daddy do you know how a goat goes?" She asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"moooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" she said with her neck outstretched.

Now little miss copy-cat, aka Chloe Ann, mimics her big sister in everything from dress to eating to attitude. Like her big sister she enjoys the funny stuff with daddy and mommy.

"wibbit wibbit!" Chloe said.

"Alright Chloe!" Momma replied.

Emma and I kept up our animal banter for a few more minutes. Now what happened next, should have been on video. I will try to illustrate what happened but i'm not sure it will do it justice.

As soon as she could slip in a word edgewise Chloe shouted





FOCK!


[ Insert silence with cricket noises here....]


After a short pause to roll my tongue back up in my mouth and scoop my jaw off the table I said "Excuse me young lady?" in my official DMV (Daddy's Mad Voice).


"Honey she's saying 'frog'..." the Mrs. said.

I felt much better after hearing this translation.

Formalo

Well I'm still out here. I've been working myself dizzy. In November, I clocked over 260 hours. The good news is I get paid on half of those hours.... Wait - that doesn't sound like a good deal.

Tonight the Mrs. made yummy pizza for dinner. She is so good at that. I look forward to it whenever we get the chance to do it. Nothing beats homemade pizza!

While we were all munching on our pizza, Emma decided to tell me how big she was.


"Daddy I'm almost as big as you are!" she said triumphantly.

"Well you are getting to be a big girl for sure." I replied as I danced with Lydia in my arms to keep her happy and content.

Eating her pizza she said "I know. I used to drink that formalo like Lydia does but not any more."

"That's right baby." I said as I dipped Lydia.

"You know you'll remember dancing with her when you dance at her wedding." The Mrs. said.

"Shhhhhhh I don't want to think about that." I replied.

Dinner was great tonight.

I love you ladies.

Half Deer

So if you haven't heard, I've been working incredible hours plus driving 45 miles each way for about 10 days now. We're getting a new POS up and running at work and it is a hands-on type of installation. As a result, getting home late makes for a very short evening with my girls. The Mrs. is about ready to pull her hair out too because her day is longer as a result of all my long hours.

Anyway we seem to be eating out a few times a week just to make things easier on both of us at the moment. Tonight it was Cracker Barrel Night. The girls were of course precious as usual and pretty well-behaved. Somehow our conversation turned to hunting. I have no idea how or why really. I think Emma brought it up but I can't be sure. Whenever you eat at an establishment that has half a deer sticking out of the wall, odds are at some point during your visit the topic will come up.

"Mommy some people shoot deers and cook them and eat them!" Emma said.

"Well... that is how some people eat." Momma replied.

"What do they shoot the deer with, Emma?" I asked.

[EDITORIAL NOTE: Now at this point in time, I believed this to be a rhetorical question. I just knew she would answer "a gun". However, my daughter is a Hendrix and is already showing her divergent thinking...]

"Well...." She began. "They take this pointy thing and put it in a tube and PPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT it at the deer."

Ok fess up - who the heck is teaching my children the fine art of large game hunting with a blowgun?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Daddy - Timeout, TIMEOUT!!!

Tonight at dinner, the girls were being absolutely adorable. Nothing special - just being their sweet selves. Emma decided it would be a good thing to play with her spaghetti noodles on the table. I simply asked her not to do that and to put her food back on her plate.

Chloe immediately pointed at her and in a half-panic-stricken voice looked at me and said "Oooooh oooh Daddy - Timeout TIMEOUT."

I think I choked when she said that.