homonym

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I posted. I've been working like a mad man but I'm taking a much needed night off. In fact, I'll be in bed before 1130pm which is a rarity. The Mrs. and I are trying to shake off a cold, just in time for our little ones to catch it. At least we will be better so we can comfort our sweet girls. Needless to say, neither of us felt like cooking tonight. With the economy in a downward trend, we're really watching the money situation quite proactively; however, we still decided to just pack the entire crew up and head out to O'Charlies. We hadn't been there in months and we would love just to kick back and get waited on and relax with the kids. We were loading the kids into the van when little Chloe laughed and said "Daddy look at my cute little pursey" as she held up a pink and blue denim purse. That is one homonym I would really like to never hear again from any of my sweet little daughters.

The Dash Between the Dates

I really have to get back into blogging about my wonderful family and the crazy life which I know. Projects at home, at the day job as well as independent projects keep me busy from day to day to day. Sometimes you feel like you're just living life rather than experiencing it. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change a thing at all in my life. I'm perfectly happy. Sometimes you just feel like you're the dash between two dates. The girls are growing so quickly, with the eldest starting kindergarten this year. I can't talk about it. "The kids really do grow up fast" so cherish each and every moment.

Last night we were picking up the house as we do every night after a daylong torrent of midget tornadoes which seem to use their little whirlwinds to toss anything and everything to the far corners of the house. I split the older two up to make the best use of the remaining hours in the day. Emma cleaned upstairs and Chloe cleaned downstairs and Lydia toddled around with a baby brush brushing her hair.

Chloe, now with her area clean, looked for her best friend - Baby Sarah (one of her many dolls). Baby Sarah had been cast under one of the tables in the den most likely during the mad rush to the dinner table.

"Daddy have you seen baby Sawah?" Asked Chloe.

"I think I saw her laying down under the table over there." I said with a quick point of the finger.

"NO DADAH - Baby Sawah with the chocolate hair." She replied.

Have I been too busy to notice that there is now a brown headed baby Sarah which my middle daughter so loves? I need to correct that by working smarter - not longer. I'm going to blog more as well.

I learn so much from my girls.

Snow Floaties

Yesterday was an awesome day. The girls and I got up (Momma got to sleep in a bit) and we snuggled and watched cartoons. When momma got up we all got dressed and went to have breakfast at IHOPs. We hadn't been there in months so it was fun to go. As we were leaving to go get our Christmas tree, it began to snow and Emma pointed it out by saying "LOOK AT THE SNOW FLOATIES!!!" It was just flurries but they were really coming down. I never have figured out where the line is drawn between flurries and a snow shower. Oh well. It was beautiful and really cool that it was doing it while we were getting our tree. We, for some strange reason, name Christmas tree every year. Last year it was Cinderella. This year, the girls settled on "Holly". She is 8.5 feet of pure pine-family beauty. After getting the tree situated and the lights on, I got to cook dinner. I actually love cooking for my family. I made a garlic herb crusted pork loin, green bean casserole and new potatoes. It was a great dinner. As I cleaned up in the kitchen, Momma and the girls put the ornaments on the tree. We capped off the night by having our (now traditional) Hendrix Saturday Night Red Carpet Popcorn and Fruit Juice Movie Extravaganza Gala. We snuggled on the couch with all three girls and watched The Blue Elephant. It was a great day.

Baby Sarah's Pee Towel

Hi all...

Chloe has changed so much in just the last month it's amazing. It's little changes often over looked. The willingness to pick up her toys without throwing too big of a fit, her big sister attitude toward "Wydia" and now she is becoming quite the little mommy figure around the house. Her dolls are her livelyhood. She lines them up on the stairs, each doll with its own step to use as a bed. When it's time for them to go to sleep, she'll stand at the doorway and say sweet things like "I love you babies. You have sweet dreamies" and other things she hears her daddy whisper to her before he goes to bed at night. Her best (doll) friend is named Sarah and she goes everywhere with Chloe. In fact, Chloe has even arranged the chairs at the table so that the doll's highchair can fit in and she can feed her while the rest of us eat. She burps the baby after eating. In fact, when it's time for the baby's bottle, she'll go to her own little rocking chair and just rock her as she plays mommy to her baby giving her a fake bottle which of course she has to "warm" in her microwave in her play kitchen. Chloe you are precious and I hope you feel just as loved as your sisters. Being a middle kid can be tough sometimes but your mommy and myself are both middle kids so we know what you are going through and will go through and we are trying our best to make this a very happy experience for you. I think you're doing a great job as the middle child and I'm proud of you.

Last night I cleaned the kitchen and bathed our youngest while the older girls were getting ready for bed. After getting the baby situated with her nightly bottle, I went to tuck the big girls into bed for the night. There she was on the floor, her head resting on a pillow. Baby Sarah was right by Chloe's bed. Chloe had made a bed of pillows for her baby and covered her with blankets. I looked down and noticed that baby Sarah was sleeping on a burp cloth neatly stretched out without a wrinkle to be found.

"Oh is that Baby's Sarah's blanket?" I asked.

"No silly Daddy.... that's her pee blanket in case she has an accident." Chloe responded.

That's my girl. Since you have conquered the bed wetting and are a big girl now you look out for you babies.

Specific

This morning I wanted to "sleep in". These days that means until 7am. I usually get up around 5:45am or 6:00am to get ready for work. This morning at around 6:30, our youngest began to cry and I went to check on her. She had wet herself in the crib and was cold so I cleaned her and changed her into some dry PJs and laid her back down. I turn around and my older two girls were staring at me.

"Morning, Daddy" they said in unison.

"Morning, babies." I replied. "I want you to get back into your bed until your nightlight shuts off." (It is one that turns itself off when there is enough light). I said this with the belief that I might actually get to sleep in later than 7am since it is now that time of the year where the sun rises later in the morning hours.

I was really tired and the warm comforter on the bed was still calling my name. I slid back under the covers and soon drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of laughter. Glancing at the clock it was 7:15am.

"Well I did get to sleep in" I thought to myself. I got up and went to check on all of the children. As I went down the hall, past the older two who were running around the couch in the den, I couldn't help but laugh. The blinds were wide open on both of their bedroom windows and letting in just enough light to turn their nightlight off for the day.

I shall in the future be more specific on my requests to my children.

shepherd man

Hi everyone out there. I'm sorry for not posting lately. I've been slammed at work and with side projects at SkuFlow. Free time has been very scarce for about 2 months straight but I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I will start to post again on a regular basis. Just to get back in the swing of posting i wanted to tell you about a very funny scene. As I said, work has just been insane. We moved into a new state-of-the-art design studio and redefined our company as a sleek efficient web studio. You can check out our new website at www.mediapulse.com. If you know of anyone needing a killer website, feel free to point them our direction. So last night I got home and after a long week of work I really didn't feel like cooking and neither did the Mrs. It was an IHOP night. With the economy getting tight we haven't eaten out as much so it was a real treat to go have some good pancakes and just relax and take a deep breath. While we were eating, this group of bikers showed up in full riding gear. They were really rough looking but really warm people having fun and laughing among themselves. One gentleman had a do-rag on his head which our eldest daughter noticed right off the bat.

"LOOK DADDY - A SHEPHERD! She said.

I have never seen a group of people laugh so hard. We also laughed pretty good.

Hi Babies!

Hi Babies! It's your Daddy here. I have been working so hard that I just realized I haven't had time to post any blogs. Time sure has passed by. Where did summer go? I'm probably going to have to work again this weekend to get some projects finished. But I want you to know that when you come up to show me something new, ask a question, ask for a kiss or need a hug, I will be there and you will have my full attention. You always come first. Work is something that I have to do - being with you and learning together and watching you grow is something I WANT to do. There is a big difference between have and want. You will learn that soon enough.

Since I last wrote here you have grown so much. Emma you are becoming a wonderful big sister to Chloe and Lydia. Chloe you are finding your place as the middle child and making your own light under which you can glow. You too are a great big sissy. I can't believe you are a big girl now. I hope you enjoyed your 3rd birthday last month. Lydia you are so cute and funny and make us all laugh. Your head bobbing mouth popping teeter-walking "momma da-da sissssssy" calling always smiling big blue eyed personality just melts my heart after a long day at the office.

My sweet babies, you are asleep now and hopefully pleasantly lost in your dreams. I'm going to tuck you in one more time in a few minutes. Will you hear me as I kiss you and tell you how special you are to me? Will the words "I love you, my sweet princess" find it's way to you in Dreamland? I'll pull your blanket up and put that favorite doll of yours under your arm and make sure to spray the shadows with the "monster spray" (air freshener for you adults reading) to keep you safe all night long.

Be good girls tomorrow. That sweet mommy of yours has a lot on her hands juggling all three of you during the day while daddy is at work. Let's not cut our hair again, Emma. Chloe, let's not draw on the walls either. Make your beds in the morning and drink your milk. Lydia, take a nap with your sisters so that mommy can lay down and rest for a few minutes too! Clean your room when mommy says and take a nap after lunch. Play sweetly with each other and tell your mommy how much you love her and how special she is.

Precious girls we love you very much. Just as soon as Daddy is finished with these projects, we'll pack a picnic lunch and go to the mountains. Emma - I haven't forgotten about this and we'll make sure to get you some marshmallows to roast on the fire at the park.

I love you ladies. Sleep well.

How Great Thou Art

So we are in a stage where our youngest is teething and our older two have decided not to really do a thing that mommy and daddy say. Patience is indeed a virtue. When you do not have kids you laugh at parents in the mall saying "Jimmy I'm going to count to three and you better - Jimmy I'm serious! Let go of the - JIMMY -- FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GET DOWN FROM.....Jimmy I'm going to count to three. One, Twoooooooo - JIMMY GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR SISTER'S NOSE THIS INSTANT...."

Well you get the picture. I swore early on as a childless father that I would never be "that guy" at the mall. "Kids should just obey you when you tell them to do something" was my belief and mantra.

Enter the kids - toss the mantra out the window. I now understand that the parents were not counting for the benefit of the children. The parents were counting so that they wouldn't unwind like a spring on an overwound clock.

Timeout is a joke, spanking doesn't work. Parents are forced to become "that guy" at the mall.

Therefore I am in the process of writing a song to the tune of "How Great Thou Art". This is probably the most beautiful gospel song ever written. It has been a part of my life as long as I can remember which is back to the age of about 3 or 4 when I sang it in church. To this day I find myself singing it or whistling it as I work through a stressful moment in life. If you don't know that song, listen to the great Elvis singing here >> LINK.

This song is initially titled "Then Screams My Child..."

THEN SCREAMS MY CHILD
By: The Dude

When I lay down
at 1:30 in the morning,
my bones weary from
working all day long.

You start to cry
and scream and shout
real loudly, my ears
begin to bleed real
badly from deep within.

So I get up and
stumble to your bedroom,
I pick you up and
hold you close and
start to sway.

--CHORUS--
Then screams my child
My God you are so loud.
The neighbors wake and
our pets run around.

It never stops -
from 6 am to
7 or 8pm I pray that
you will stop and
give my ears a rest.


I'm going to count
to one and two and three-
and maybe four or five
if I am really tense.

It's not for you
that I count so clearly -
It is for me and
myself all alone...



That's all I got so far but hopefully I can get the lyrics cleaned up and get Josh Groban to sing it...

Bye

Mondays always seem to last forever. A long day of work leads into a long night of work on projects and programming. The few short hours in between are scattered with screaming, crying, hugging, and laughter with the kids. My little princesses continue their surge toward "independence." As I tucked them into bed tonight I had to try really hard but gave in and giggled like a little girl with my daughters.

As I leaned over my middle girl, she motioned for me to come near and she quietly whispered "Daddy yo a butt-head."

Her giggle is infectious and I tried not to laugh as the elder child succumbed to the giggles.

"That's right Daddy, you're a booty head!" She exclaimed.

I giggled quietly then had to be the mature one.

"Now girls, that's not very nice to say. You have hurt my feelings" I said.

Now at this time, I was expecting to get at least one "I'm sorry". I figured with one older daughter and young daughter I had a 50/50 shot. Yeah right. With a long night of work ahead of me I kissed the girls again and said "Ok you girls need to settle down and go to bed. Daddy's gotta get back to work and I can't keep coming in here to tell you to go to sleep. I love you and you all have sweet dreams."

"Bye Daddy!" said the oldest child.

"I'm not leaving... I'll be in the den." I replied.

"I Know, Daddy... " She said. "That is 'goodnight' in Spanish".

Te quiero a nenas.

Daddy loves you.

The Collection

This morning on the way to school, we had to drop Izzy off at the vet for her shots and to get fixed. Part of the adoption agreement was that we would do both within 30 days of taking her from the Humane Society facility. As a result of taking an early trip to the vet, we missed breakfast at school this morning so I stopped at Burger King to get the girls something to fill their loudly growling stomachs. We settled on milk and French toast sticks... they could have worse. As we were sitting there in the drive-thru, Emma looked up into the (car) window and saw Chloe's reflection.

"Chloe, sweety, look in the window - " she began, "do you see yourself? That's called your collection."

"Ooooooooooooooooohhhh!" Chloe exclaimed.

As I giggled I asked Emma "What is that called again?"

[Insert brief pause here]

"Oh did I say collection?" she asked. "I used the wrong word. It's your fuhflection, Chloe"

Satisfied with herself, we drove off to go eat breakfast at school.

Boom Boom

So it's almost July 4th. Boom Boom go the fireworks. Unfortunately that's not the Boom Boom I'm talking about. While working on a job for a client(as usual), my older the girls were watching a movie when the middle child decided she wanted to spontaneously say "Daddy my panties are in my Boom Boom." I tried not to laugh but it just kinda happened.

I commended her for her excellent talking ability (she's really talking now!) and then asked "What's a boom boom?"

"It's behind your Too Too, Daddy.", said the elder daughter. This clarified things for me instantly.

Giggles ensued.

For the next few minutes they sounded like cheerleaders exchanging rounds of "This is my Boom Boom, this is my Too Too" while doing all types of calisthenics to point out each of their certain unmentionables. (Of course they were fully dressed and pointing to themselves) I had to turn away so they couldn't see me laughing but I bet they could tell because I know for a fact my shoulders were doing that shaky "don't let Daddy catch you laughing in church" type movement.

"Who's teaching my children these names for women parts?" I thought to myself between laughing episodes.

I am in such trouble as the only Dude in the house. God help me if my little cheerleaders start talking about their Rah Rah's or their Siss Boom Bahs.

Crazy + Crazy <> Crazy

Crazy is not at all like infinity. Infinity is an unknown ever expansive measurement. I used to say to my parents when I was a kid that "I love you infinity plus infinity". That means nothing really. Sure the "I love you" part is sentimental but the portion about infinity is just stupid. The reason is that if you add infinity to itself, you still have infinity.... NOT INFINITY TIMES TWO.

So crazy is not at all like infinity. Crazy plus More Crazy = Awholelottacrazy. Thus this story begins. Friday night the Mrs. and I were watching news and a story came on about how The Humane Society a few counties over from us was going to euthanize about 50 dogs and cats unless they got adopted. We just looked at each other and decided right then and there that we would drive 90 miles for the chance to play hero to some sort of animal. It really didn't matter what type of dog it was as long as it was friendly and good with the kids. We packed the kids in the car after breakfast and didn't even tell them where we were going. We just drove.

Now if you've been reading this blog for any time at all you know that I have a gorgeous wife and three beautiful daughters. They happen to all be redheaded so I feel quite out-numbered. As luck would have it, we did indeed adopt a dog for the girls. Of course, it is female and also has red hair. She's really sweet and probably a year and a half - 2 years old and is a part Aussie mix. I think the other half is Irish setter. She points at the birds when we take her out to go to the bathroom.

The girls, apprehensive at first, have fallen in love with the new addition to our family. Score one for "Team Girl" and again, the masses against me are growing and I'm now even more outnumbered.

Her name is Isabelle, or Izzybell or Insabell, depending on which daughter you ask. Welcome home Izzy. I hope you like your new home. Yes we are crazy, and even more so than this time yesterday.

More from the Crazy Farm soon...

Piggy Back Rides

The title sounds innocent right? Well this is an innocent story so it should. I have decided that God reveals himself in both mysterious and humorous ways. We, both men and women, are made in His image. I don't necessarily think that is a physical meaning. I believe it's more of the emotions, spirit, experiences and relationships which make us like God. The bible states that God has given us Love, Peace, and Joy and the greatest is love. I think Joy should be the second because God does have a sense of humor. Why else would He make green beans the same color as their vine or make oranges circular so they are hard to stack. I'm sure He sits on His throne during the summer months laughing and pointing to tons of beans left on the vine that we didn't see.

Life's garden is rich with fruit. He has given us a bountiful harvest of funny memories for us to take when we get to heaven. Some we see and enjoy here on Earth. I believe other funny events will be revealed to us just like green beans we have left on the vine. So be aware and always watching your children to make sure you pick as many beautiful memories as possible. They grow so fast don't they?

So what does this have to do with piggy back rides?

Here is a green bean I found yesterday:

Imagine your oldest child, barely into her fourth year playing with her dolls on the floor. The family dog is chasing a ball around the family room while the middle child laughs and calls his name and the youngest child is taking a nap during all of this. Silence is a scary thing to a parent. When it goes silent that is usually not a good sign.

SILENCE - man it's loud. I sit in my chair ever listening. Nothing at first, then slowly and barely audible there it is...

Jingle jingle jingle jingle goes the dog's collar. I know... I just know. I place my laptop on my chair and turn around to see our family dog ravishing the back of my oldest child as she plays quietly with her dolls on the floor. And then she speaks:

"Daddy - look - he wants a piggy back ride!" she giggles.

Thank you God for that green bean. I shall feast deliciously on that one for quite some time.

Daddy Words

When I walk into the house after not seeing my girls all day, they are of course, very excited and wish to tell me all about their day. Now mind you, they want to tell me in the span of 14.6 seconds so I have to listen very carefully. We sit down to eat dinner and I just want to hear the first 2 news stories because I've determined that everything after that is repeat news from the previous day. I would hope that my girls could accommodate me in this little way but of course, that is expecting too much from an almost 3 year old and a 4 year old going on 30. I shall now paraphrase how this evening went. For simplicity's sake, assume the following: BGP = big girl princess (aka oldest daughter), LGP = little girl princess (aka middle daughter), TGP = tiny girl princess (aka my baby girl).


ME: "How'd your day go honey?"

BGP: "OH DADDY I -"

LGP: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH"

MRS: "Fine not much other than the doctor's appointment."

ME: "How did that -"

LGP: "DAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

TGP: "WAAAAAAAAAAAH"

MRS: "Boy! She (TGP) is really enjoying that broccoli"

ME: "Girls please be quiet, daddy wants to hear this news stor-"

BGP & LGP: [Giggles and food munching]

BGP: "DADDY TODAY I ATE LUNCH"

ME: "I'm glad you did... can daddy just lis-"

LGP: "WHAT'S WONG WID WYDIA'S CWADUHHHHL"

TGP: "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

ME: "Nothing baby, Daddy is fixing it... can Daddy just please li-"

BGP: "Be quiet [to LGP]. I'm trying to watch tv. It's Important! Yes. Yes it was a bad day. Something happened there. And over there. And other stuff happened too... [Glances toward me] Look at me - I'm using daddy words."

The TV quietly switched to recaps of yesterday's news. If you know what the top two news stories were on 6/18/2008, other than Tim Russert's Funeral, Iraq, the election, Mid-western flooding, diabetes, fuel prices, our suck-ass economy or the Bush Administration - please let me know.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there. I know I love mine and learn so much from him. What a role model he has always been, and continues to be, for me. Rarely judgmental, always supportive, never without love. I hope I am using all of those traits to the benefit of my own children. So thank you to my beautiful and supportive wife for our three beautiful daughters. Without you all, I would have no reason to celebrate this day for myself. It is family which makes Father's day such a special occasion. I'm also finding it's becoming a day of reflection for me. I remember 4 years ago holding my oldest daughter in my arms under a huge maple tree in our front yard as we posed for my very first Father's day picture. Now, with three of the most precious children a man could ask for, I find this day becoming more introspective so I can figure out how I have done as a father over the past year and how I can be a better father during the next year.

I have discovered that over the past year, I have worked too much. I have missed many opportunities to do family events on the weekends in pursuit of the dollar to help provide for my family. I have not taken care of myself very well regarding exercise. I have not done a very good job financially for my family. I make an honest and well paid living, yet I provide little guidance and financial leadership for my family. I have played hard with my family and love them dearly. I have been quick to temper at the end of a long day but also quick to hold when a knee is scraped from a fall. I am the piggy back ride giver, airplane-tosser-in-the-bed provider, bad boo-boo fixer-upper, broken toy healer, good-night tickler, and Saturday morning cartoon watching sit-in-your-lap-daddy holder. I tuck them back under their covers several times throughout the night as I whisper "good night my big girl princesses" in their ears. I hope that they dream big and live bigger. I hope that I am the example they can look to as a role model just as I continue to look to my father on a daily basis.

I hope in the next year to work less-hard, provide more, love more, and take advantage of the weekends with my family. This past week we took our annual family vacation to the beach and I got to see my older children play together like they never have. Splashing in the water and running on the beach, they danced a dance that only two siblings close in age can experience - laughing and giggling with each other and communicating without talking. It immediately brought me back to when me and my older sister played like we were Eskimos and packed dirt into old Glad sandwich bags to use as deer meat during hard cold winters. I also remembered making leaf houses in the back yard and accidentally smacking her in the face with a shovel the day before she was to be in a wedding. I also winced at the remembrance of the pain caused by my best friend, Matthew, as he drove a garden hoe through the top of my foot because I had hurt the girl with whom he was in love even though she was 4 years older. Flashing forward back to the present time, my girls are developing the same close relationship with each other. As they sit on the couch watching Scooby Doo, they periodically just look at each other and start cracking up.

So in retrospect, this past year has gone very well. It's a crazy life living with a house full of four independent red-headed women. I love it and wouldn't want it any other way. I have learned how to be a good father over the past year and have things to work on during the next year to continue my growth as a father. So here's a toast to all fathers out there! Enjoy this day with your family and thank God for the blessings He has bestowed upon you.

God's Experience

I've often wondered if God knows just how good of a world He has created for us. I realized today that he experiences his creation through our actions in this world. Today, God experienced pure joy through my two older children as they splashed and played in the ocean during our vacation.... or "the big bath tub" as my middle child says.

Good Morning Hugs

Today I treated myself and slept in until 7am. That was nice. It's amazing how an extra 15-30 minutes of rest can help a person through the day. While still in my "pre-awake" stage, I could hear the kids in the den trying to find their toys to play with. Suddenly there was a patting of small hands on my back. I opened my eyes and rolled over. My oldest was sitting there just looking at me. She smiled with her little angel face and gave me a hug and said "Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you." The perfect birthday gift from a small child.

"Can Daddy have a kiss to go along with that hug?" I asked her.

"Welllllllllllllll - you see," she began, "I already gave you a hug and now I'm chewing on part of my toenail so I can't kiss you right now."

"Ok love you - bye!" she said as she ran back into the den.

I laid there for a few more minute giggling and thanking God for my sweet family.

The Lion, The Big Girl, and the Splinter

Once upon a time, in a majestic land there was a fair and just king who ruled the Kingdom with his beautiful and loving Queen. Over the years, King Dude and his wife had three gorgeous and adorable princesses. All of the princesses were adorned with red curly locks that bobbed up and down when they ran through the Kingdom and the gardens outside the Kingdom. One night after the evening feast, the oldest of the princesses rushed back into the eating hall crying quietly to the Queen.

"It hurts really bad!" she cried as the big girl held up her little hand.

The Queen looked closely and sure enough - she had a splinter in her hand. It must have been from when they visited the Parks at Springbrooke earlier in the day. The princesses love to play as boys and the messier they get, the more fun they seem to have.

The Queen sent her over to King Dude so that he could also see this evil splinter. As sure as the day is long, she had a splinter in her hand. Now this was the first splinter caught by any of the princesses. It wasn't a big splinter, but none-the-less, he was evil and had to be destroyed. King Dude has had a few splinters in his life. Using this experience and the wisdom of all of the Kings before him, he pulled out a shiny lance and sanitized it in the Flames of Strength and Justice.

"NO DADDY" begged the Big Girl princess.

"Hush, my child," said King Dude, "this will not hurt at all. My father used this to remove splinters from my hands and I shall use this on you remove your evil splinter."

"What are you going to do?" She asked, sniffling through innocent tears.

"Well, " said the King. He paused for a few seconds to gather his thoughts as to be honest with his daughter while not frightening her further. He wondered if there was a correct way to say "I'm going to jam this here pin into your hand and pop the splinter out into the air like a projectile from a freshly uncorked bottle of France's finest bubbly from the vineyards of Champagne"? He thought better and cleared his throat.

"My sweet Big Girl," he said, "I'm going to take this pin and very gently get the splinter out of your hand."

King dude was feeling satisfied with his choice of wording when there was a shrill from his eldest princess.

"NO - NO!" she said. "You are not going to put that pin in my hand."

"Ok baby if we don't get that out of your hand, it will get infected and then you'll have to go to the physician to get a shot and have him remove it" King Dude replied.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Father, don't want a shot. I want you to get it out" She said.

Was the King making progress with this frightened young doe? Surely with all of his wisdom and victories on the battlefields of Workinarseoff, he would also be successful in his raid of Splinterville.

"I want Lion" said the Big Girl as she walked cautiously down the Hall of Darkness to fetch her prized trophy.

She returned with Lion, her beloved friend. Once crowned with a shiny golden mane of locks, he grinned sweetly with a half loose eye and a nappy headed dark brown glob of hair.

"OK" Said the Big Girl. "Get it out - I don't want a shot from the physician" She said as she hugged her trophy.

The King tested her will by putting the point of the pin against his finger and tapping her hand with his finger.

"Ok how bad does this - " He began.

"NO DADDY NOT WITH THE POINTY END. USE THE SCOOPY END TO SCOOP THE SPLINTER OUT" the Big Girl shouted as she pointed to the clasp end of the safety pin.

"I can't, my child" said King Dude. "I must use this pointy end of the lance to get the splinter out - but I promise you that it will not hurt."

"I'll do it" said the Queen.

Not wanting to seem whipped by a willful princess, the King told his daughter that if it hurt, all she had to do was to say so and he would cease.

"Ok..." agreed the Big Girl Princess. "STOP" she cried as soon as he touched her hand with the pointy lance.

"LET MOMMY DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" moaned the fair princess of Middlechildland.

King Dude, feeling defeated, reluctantly let her go and she ran to the Queen.

"Come here" said the Queen as she pulled the Big Girl into her lap. "Let me take a look at that again" she continued.

The Big Girl held out her tiny hand and the Queen said "Hmmmmm come with me... I know just what to do."

They journeyed to the far reaches of the Kingdom into a vast wilderness of Qtips, potions, lotions, and other womenly things. Once inside the Bathroom of Mommyhood, the Queen sat on the edge of her indoor pond and pulled out a large pair of really scary looking tweezers. Not the kind with the slanted tips. These were the pointed kind used for either eyebrow plucking or chicken de-feathering in the Kingdom's kitchen. "This is what we can use - Mommy uses these to tweeze her eyebrows out" she said.

The Big Girl began screaming louder and louder, now terrified out of her mind. The King was determined to be victorious against the Evil Splinter and save the Big Girl Princess. After some sly coaxing and a promise of the finest lime sherbet, the Big Girl trusted her Father King and agreed to let him battle the Splinter. "Look over at your mommy" said the King "and this will be over before you know it."

With the splinter removal experience of generations on his side, he pulled out the sanitized lance and with the finger dexterity of a computer programmer flicked the Splinter out of the Big Girl's hand. She turned her head suddenly and looked at her hand. The splinter was gone. She looked up and smiled at him. As trumpets trumpeted and white doves flew about the Bathroom of Mommyhood, the Big Girl Princess said "That didn't hurt."

It was later in the evening when the King was surveying his land from a southward facing window that he felt the Big Girl hug his leg. "Thank you for getting that out" said the Big Girl Princess. He picked up the young child and hugged her closely.

"Always remember that your mommy and daddy love you and they will never hurt you. You are always safe with us" said King Dude.

The Big Girl Princess nodded happily and went to eat her lime sherbet with her faithful Lion by her side.

Sweet dreams little Big Girl Princess. Your mommy and daddy are watching over you.

- The End -

The Colors Of The Wind

Humanity is a wonderful thing. The senses and experiences which God has given us are so often taken for granted. Our fast paced lives do not leave much time for the little things which really matter. We work so hard chasing the dollar to provide for our families and try to make those memories, that many things, both good and bad, just pass on by without our recognition.

Yesterday I got to experience one of the wonderfully sad things about parenting - when you finally realize that your child has advanced to the next stage in life and is growing up. My daughter is no longer a baby or toddler. She is a young lady. It's exciting to see your child advance and wonder about the opportunities and possibilities which will soon present themselves. On the other hand it's sad to see them no longer as babies you once held in your arms and paced back and forth in the dark to soothe back to sleep.

My oldest daughter has been taking ballet classes since March and last night was her big recital which marked the end of her class. Due to my working hours, I haven't been able to attend her classes although I make it a point to always ask her what she has learned and cheer her on as she shows me new moves she learned at class. I was not going to miss the recital and took off from work a few minutes early to race back to town to see her.

Last night, life smacked me right in the face and I realized that she is now truly out of the toddler stage. She is bright, loving, friendly, courteous, kind, and everything a father could ask for in a daughter. She also has a few very special qualities of my late brother - to make everyone laugh, to make the unpopular people feel special, and especially her beautiful sense of color. Joseph used to design websites with colors beyond the rainbow. My daughter has shown me that she too paints with all of the colors of the wind. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have and that you take the time to see your own children and the beautiful patchwork quilts they are making with their own little lives.

My Father's Algia

An open letter to Pfizer, Inc...

Dearest Pfizer,

Ok everyone has seen it and we're tired of it. You know what I'm talking about. It's your horrid commercial (which seems to run as every other commercial), alternating with Mycoxafloppin, your erectile dysfunction pill, and Uhavaitchipus, your anti-yeast infection medicine promoting your new wunderkind drug Lyrica which is used to treat extreme nerve pain. It may work wonders for your sales and kickbacks to your doctors but enough is enough! Stop it with the commercial already. If you haven't seen the commercial you are running, I shall now include it here for your viewing pleasure courtesy of Youtube.com:





Now I've got a few questions at this juncture:

a. If her pain is so bad and "her muscles, so tender to the touch, " how the hell did she manage to gasp the pen to write in her fancy-schmancy journal?

b. Who the hell writes like that and even more, who would read that to an audience?

Give me a break. People in pain do not write about it that way. Have some balls and do it right, Pfizer. I suggest any of the following in your next commercial:

"HOLY PAIN PILL, BATMAN, MY LEGS HURT."

"YEAH IT HURTS, BUT IT'S A DRY HURT."

"LYRICA - APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR PAIN AREA."

That last one might be a little too close to another really bad commercial to use. I'm sure that you all have your own creative team and can pay them well with all the money you make. The point is, if you are going to jam this down our throats, make the commercials at least entertaining.

Looking at your website, I see that it is quaintly organized by symptom/condition or medication name. This is a very useful feature and it is well thought out (take it from a fellow web designer - wink wink). Just browsing, I have quickly selected a few conditions to which we can apply the Lyrica scripting test.

Condition: High Anxiety

     "My anxiety, so acute and - WHAT WAS THAT?"

Condition: Insomnia

     "My insomnia, so awake and restless."

Condition: Erectile Dysfunction

     "My member, so pale and wimpy."

I think you can get the point....


Pfizer, your commercials have even affected my oldest child who just turned four years old. My daughter, so sweet and friendly to others, has evidently been deeply changed by your commercials. This afternoon, while exiting the shower, I heard my wife giggling in the family room. "You need to go show your daddy." She said.

I entered the family room and my oldest daughter was smiling at me holding a legal pad gently in her arms as if she were a high paid executive assistant taking dictations from her boss.

"What is that?" I asked her.

"That's my letter, daddy." she replied.

"What are you writing about?" I asked again.

"I'm writing about My Father's Algia." She said.