World Records

Tonight the family took a trip to IHOP (there's a shocker). It was just one of those nights where you just don't feel like cooking. This trip was the very first time that the Dude and all of the women folk went out in public together as a family of five. There can be no better place to christen your child in public than at your local IHOP.

We pulled into the parking lot and I steered right into our reserved place. I'm not making this up. I think they really reserved us a particular parking spot at IHOP because it's always available. I got out of the car and took Lydia out in her baby carrier and walked around to the other side. After handing her to the Mrs., I unlatched the other two kiddies and we walked hand and hand and hand and hand and baby carrier right into the restaurant. We waited for the hostess and Chloe decided it would be fun to entertain herself. After jumping up on the bench seats for waiting customers, she put her little hands up on the glass window and squealed with joy. When the family of four on the other side of the glass looked up at her she let out a loud

"DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH..."

A smart man would have realized this as an omen and just turned around and left. So we are seated by a new hostess. Hostess Cookie and Tamara were no where to be seen. Yes we know the employees by name - don't judge us. As we looked over the menu and patiently waited for her return, Chloe started the chaos by playing a game called "lick the pepper". It was quite entertaining for her and she broke into a regular routine:

STEP 1: Shake the pepper like hell onto your hand.
STEP 2: Lick the pepper off of your hand making sure to get in between the fingers.
STEP 3: Blink both eyes at Daddy as you swallow.
STEP 4: Say "MOAH" (That's Chloe Talk for 'MORE')

Repeat steps 1-4 for no less than 5 minutes or until tongue catches on fire.

About this time, someone across the restaurant was playing "Howl Like Morgan Dog". At least that is what it sounded like. NOTE TO SELF - Find good trademark and patten attorney and protect all rights for HLMD.

As Chloe was eating her pepper by the fist-full, Emma shrugged and shot me a "What the hell look" and began to tilt her head back. I gave her the evil eye and she quietly drank her milk. I think the Mrs. knew in my heart (not to mention the barely audible inner howls I was making) that I really wanted to howl at the kid across the restaurant but she gave me her "Just Do It" look. The JDI look is her trump card. I know if I get that look I'm in big trouble.

As Chloe heard the little boy howl from across the room she decided to see where it was coming from. She stood up on the seat and peeked over the booth dividers. Of course everyone in the restaurant was amused at the little redheaded whack-a-mole and she told most of them "Hi!" in her cute little voice. After convincing her that good girls sit in their booster seats, the waitress (who was also the hostess) came back to the table to take our order and laughed at Chloe who was laid back in her booster seat with her belly showing and her arms behind her head. The Mrs. ordered strawberry pancakes for the kids and French toast for herself. The waitress looked at me and without missing a beat I said

"Yeah I'll have the leather restraints with a side of narcotics please."

I did not smile but the waitress cracked up. I ordered my standard Philly sandwich and then tended to Chloe as she poured out the sweetener packets onto the table. After getting those back in the holder, I turned to check on Lydia and heard Chloe playing with the tiny packets of jelly.

The rest of the evening went a lot like this. Chloe played more games such as hide the shoe, throw the kiddie art book and crayons, blow milk bubbles all over the table, and my favorite - jab the straw into daddy's bicep. After paying our bill, we left the restaurant the same way we came in - as a family with whom I am madly in love.

The girls did well on the way home and the Mrs. flew over the Doopy Doo which made the girls giggle with delight. I can't drive anymore at night and the Mrs. didn't let me down.

After cleaning the girls up and tucking them into bed, I stood outside their doorway as they faded off to sleep singing "The Wheels on the Bus". I know I broke two world records tonight for the most consecutive "No's" and "SIT DOWN's" in a single setting. It was worth it to see the kids have fun at one of our favorite restaurants. Good Times!