Hey Man, Nice Turd

When I was a young man growing up, I often dreamed of what my life as a father and husband would be like. I had visions of my children running to the door shouting "DADDY'S HOME" as they hugged my legs looking up and smiling. I also dreamed that my wife would hug me and kiss me and say "I missed you today - I'm glad you're home!"

God has blessed me and this is usually now a reality on a daily basis. I am a very lucky man.

Sometimes, however, my welcome home isn't quite as I had dreamed so many years ago.

Yesterday I came home from a long day at the office and saw Emma and Chloe peeking through the narrow windows that encase our front door. Emma had her cute little smile from ear to ear and she waved at me and giggled. Chloe had her face pressed so tightly against the glass that it looked as if she had a pair of stockings over her head. She loves to play "lick the window". Daddy loves to play "Windex the window" quite often.

I approached the door and I could hear both of my older children just giggling and saying "Hi Daddy!" through the glass. This unknowingly would be the last glimpse of my normal welcome-home-daddy-time. I opened the door and entered the family room and immediately had two 30+ pound children on my legs just hanging on for a ride as I walked to my chair to set down my briefcase.

"Daddy, Poop!" said Chloe.

"Ok i'll change your diaper." I said as I told Christina "Hi".

"No Daddy, she pooped in the big girl potty!" Emma said proudly of her little sister. "Come here and look."

I am so glad they think of me. We walked to the bathroom and all three of us just stared down into an empty bowl.

"Um, there's nothing here Emma." I said.

"Well I know, Daddy, we flushed it but it used to be there - she really did it Daddy!" Emma replied.

"ALRIGHT CHLOE! Gimme Five" I said.

Emma wanted a high five too and I obliged without hesitation.

Now the question this raises is this - When do we stop praising our children when they don't crap themselves. Trust me i'm very glad that Chloe could be making the movement (haha no pun intended) to the realm of potty training. The only thing that parenting books say is to praise your children and make a big deal of it... but not for how long. I don't remember how old I was when my folks stopped with the praise. Emma has been potty trained for quite some time yet we still praise her for pooping or peeing in the potty.

I know this is going to get awkward if I don't find the answer. I see myself seeing the girls off on their first date or Prom and I really don't want to say "You need to go potty before you leave." I have this fear which is growing inside me that one day I'll be in the bathroom with my co-workers and as they leave the room, I slap them on the shoulder and say "Hey man, nice turd!"

If you know the answer regarding LOTP (Length Of Turd Praising), feel free to forward that on to me.