Out Of My Shell

Last night I shaved my goatee off. I had worn this badge of hipness since the late 90s. My wife and kids have never seen me without either that or a full beard during the winter. I asked all of them if I should do it and everyone agreed that if they didn't like me sans facial hair, that I would grow it back and never do it again. Emma and Chloe really didn't know what "shaving it off" meant and Lydia was out out of the room turning circles and giggling to herself.

So I took out the dog clippers (yeah that's how I roll) and asked everyone if they were sure and then proceeded to give my face a good garage sale type cleaning. The looks on my daughters' faces was absolutely priceless. Half in amazement at what I was doing, and the other half in great curiosity at this funny looking creature emerging from behind the goatee.

"Daddy why you erasing your face?" Asked Chloe.

I just laughed and said "Daddy's just giving his face a hair cut."

That seemed to make it clear that I wasn't hurting myself and she climbed up on the garden tub next to the sink and just looked on in wonder. When I was through with the clippers she smiled at me in the mirror and said "you look funny." Emma agreed by shaking her head and giggling in her cute bubbly chuckle. Lydia was still spinning and babbling outside the door of the bathroom.

I lathered up and started shaving as the girls told me about their day. When I finished, Chloe touched my face and said "smooooooooooooooooooooooooooothe Dah Dah" and then jumped down and ran off.

We'll see if it stays off for good or comes back this Fall when the leaves begin to drop and this old Earth starts to hibernate for the winter.

Star Wars - Episode 4

This morning Emma and I were exchanging typical father and daughter banter. There were lots of "you look pretty"'s and "you're a sweet girl"'s from my side of the conversation and a lot of precious "I know Daddy"'s from her side.

"Now remember you can't go crawling around in the gravel at school today." I said.

"I know Daddy." She replied. "But it's ok when we play Star Wars..."

"Well didn't mommy say for you to not play so rough since your killing your shoes about every 2 weeks it seems?" I asked.

"Yeah.... But remember Star Wars?" She asked.

"Yes I do - I saw it in the theater. " I said "However, what does Star Wars have to do with gravel on the playground at School?"

"Wellllllllllllllllll. You See. There was Julia and myself and we play Star Wars -" She said.

"Do you even know what Star Wars is?" I interrupted.

"Duh." she smiled. "It's a movie silly Daddy. Julia plays like she's Princess Leia and I'm a kitty cat and kitty cats crawl on the ground."

I stood there totally speechless as she pirouetted across the floor. Dance little girl. Dance!

Not Available In Stores

Tonight was taco night - complete with tater tots. For some reason that is a long-standing tradition in our family. I can't remember when it started, but if you cook tacos, there better be tater tots in the oven.

As I stood there browing the meat, the girls and their momma were talking about Mother's Day and what Mommy wanted for her special day.

Somehow the conversation swung in my direction.

"Daddy, what do you want for Mother's Day?" They asked.

"Well I guess just for you all to be on your best behavior all day long on that day!" I said with enthusiasm.

[[ crickets ]]

"Uh Daddy they don't have that in the store." Chloe said.

I have been pwned by a not yet four year old.

Rainy Sunday

Quiet.
Not for Long!
All women but one asleep.
Smallest one on her tummy -
chin resting on big Dora
doll, holding smaller Dora
doll, wearing Backpack on
her head - watching Dora on TV
twisting her single red pony tail.
Rainy Sundays are great for relaxing.
Daddy works on, watching the rain gather
in muddy puddles.

Attitude

Attitude is your perception of the world around you or how others perceive that to be. You can realize that you have a bad attitude on your own or others can help you see that in a kind manner. Kids are impervious to the idea of how their attitude affects others around them. I'm not sure at what point in life "ME ME ME" turns to "YOU YOU YOU". Anyway, we are teaching our oldest how to determine if her attitude is well - less than desirable - and needs correcting. This morning she was pouting around the house. I just don't "do" pouting. I never have at least that I can remember. As a result, I don't like pouting people around me. So I told her to go to her room until she found her happy attitude. After about 10 minutes in her room of being quiet, I hear her yell from across the house:

"DADDY I FOUND IT!" She exclaimed.

"What's that?" I asked.

"MY ATTITUDE! CAN I COME OUT NOW?" she asked.

She came out as happy as a lark and we all went to the Easter egg hunt at "Sandybricks" park.

Doo Doo Hat

"Honey will you change Lydia?" the Mrs. hollered from across the house.

"Sure babe." I replied

As any good father would do, I tried to entertain the baby while changing her. Being silly makes her lay still and just laugh while I can do what needs to be done.

I was getting her ready for the changing of the diaper and put her pants on my head.

"Look Lydia - Daddy has on a silly hat!" I said as she preciously giggled.

I took the wipes and a clean diaper out of the dresser and began the task nobody enjoys. That's when I noticed that she had a massive diaper blowout and really needed a good cleaning.

That's when I remembered I still had her pants on my head. It is also when I realized I was wearing a doo doo hat rather than a silly hat.

Any man can continue to change a diaper in such a situation.

A REAL man can blog about it while laughing hysterically. I shall now go take a shower.

homonym

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I posted. I've been working like a mad man but I'm taking a much needed night off. In fact, I'll be in bed before 1130pm which is a rarity. The Mrs. and I are trying to shake off a cold, just in time for our little ones to catch it. At least we will be better so we can comfort our sweet girls. Needless to say, neither of us felt like cooking tonight. With the economy in a downward trend, we're really watching the money situation quite proactively; however, we still decided to just pack the entire crew up and head out to O'Charlies. We hadn't been there in months and we would love just to kick back and get waited on and relax with the kids. We were loading the kids into the van when little Chloe laughed and said "Daddy look at my cute little pursey" as she held up a pink and blue denim purse. That is one homonym I would really like to never hear again from any of my sweet little daughters.

The Dash Between the Dates

I really have to get back into blogging about my wonderful family and the crazy life which I know. Projects at home, at the day job as well as independent projects keep me busy from day to day to day. Sometimes you feel like you're just living life rather than experiencing it. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change a thing at all in my life. I'm perfectly happy. Sometimes you just feel like you're the dash between two dates. The girls are growing so quickly, with the eldest starting kindergarten this year. I can't talk about it. "The kids really do grow up fast" so cherish each and every moment.

Last night we were picking up the house as we do every night after a daylong torrent of midget tornadoes which seem to use their little whirlwinds to toss anything and everything to the far corners of the house. I split the older two up to make the best use of the remaining hours in the day. Emma cleaned upstairs and Chloe cleaned downstairs and Lydia toddled around with a baby brush brushing her hair.

Chloe, now with her area clean, looked for her best friend - Baby Sarah (one of her many dolls). Baby Sarah had been cast under one of the tables in the den most likely during the mad rush to the dinner table.

"Daddy have you seen baby Sawah?" Asked Chloe.

"I think I saw her laying down under the table over there." I said with a quick point of the finger.

"NO DADAH - Baby Sawah with the chocolate hair." She replied.

Have I been too busy to notice that there is now a brown headed baby Sarah which my middle daughter so loves? I need to correct that by working smarter - not longer. I'm going to blog more as well.

I learn so much from my girls.

Snow Floaties

Yesterday was an awesome day. The girls and I got up (Momma got to sleep in a bit) and we snuggled and watched cartoons. When momma got up we all got dressed and went to have breakfast at IHOPs. We hadn't been there in months so it was fun to go. As we were leaving to go get our Christmas tree, it began to snow and Emma pointed it out by saying "LOOK AT THE SNOW FLOATIES!!!" It was just flurries but they were really coming down. I never have figured out where the line is drawn between flurries and a snow shower. Oh well. It was beautiful and really cool that it was doing it while we were getting our tree. We, for some strange reason, name Christmas tree every year. Last year it was Cinderella. This year, the girls settled on "Holly". She is 8.5 feet of pure pine-family beauty. After getting the tree situated and the lights on, I got to cook dinner. I actually love cooking for my family. I made a garlic herb crusted pork loin, green bean casserole and new potatoes. It was a great dinner. As I cleaned up in the kitchen, Momma and the girls put the ornaments on the tree. We capped off the night by having our (now traditional) Hendrix Saturday Night Red Carpet Popcorn and Fruit Juice Movie Extravaganza Gala. We snuggled on the couch with all three girls and watched The Blue Elephant. It was a great day.

Baby Sarah's Pee Towel

Hi all...

Chloe has changed so much in just the last month it's amazing. It's little changes often over looked. The willingness to pick up her toys without throwing too big of a fit, her big sister attitude toward "Wydia" and now she is becoming quite the little mommy figure around the house. Her dolls are her livelyhood. She lines them up on the stairs, each doll with its own step to use as a bed. When it's time for them to go to sleep, she'll stand at the doorway and say sweet things like "I love you babies. You have sweet dreamies" and other things she hears her daddy whisper to her before he goes to bed at night. Her best (doll) friend is named Sarah and she goes everywhere with Chloe. In fact, Chloe has even arranged the chairs at the table so that the doll's highchair can fit in and she can feed her while the rest of us eat. She burps the baby after eating. In fact, when it's time for the baby's bottle, she'll go to her own little rocking chair and just rock her as she plays mommy to her baby giving her a fake bottle which of course she has to "warm" in her microwave in her play kitchen. Chloe you are precious and I hope you feel just as loved as your sisters. Being a middle kid can be tough sometimes but your mommy and myself are both middle kids so we know what you are going through and will go through and we are trying our best to make this a very happy experience for you. I think you're doing a great job as the middle child and I'm proud of you.

Last night I cleaned the kitchen and bathed our youngest while the older girls were getting ready for bed. After getting the baby situated with her nightly bottle, I went to tuck the big girls into bed for the night. There she was on the floor, her head resting on a pillow. Baby Sarah was right by Chloe's bed. Chloe had made a bed of pillows for her baby and covered her with blankets. I looked down and noticed that baby Sarah was sleeping on a burp cloth neatly stretched out without a wrinkle to be found.

"Oh is that Baby's Sarah's blanket?" I asked.

"No silly Daddy.... that's her pee blanket in case she has an accident." Chloe responded.

That's my girl. Since you have conquered the bed wetting and are a big girl now you look out for you babies.

Specific

This morning I wanted to "sleep in". These days that means until 7am. I usually get up around 5:45am or 6:00am to get ready for work. This morning at around 6:30, our youngest began to cry and I went to check on her. She had wet herself in the crib and was cold so I cleaned her and changed her into some dry PJs and laid her back down. I turn around and my older two girls were staring at me.

"Morning, Daddy" they said in unison.

"Morning, babies." I replied. "I want you to get back into your bed until your nightlight shuts off." (It is one that turns itself off when there is enough light). I said this with the belief that I might actually get to sleep in later than 7am since it is now that time of the year where the sun rises later in the morning hours.

I was really tired and the warm comforter on the bed was still calling my name. I slid back under the covers and soon drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of laughter. Glancing at the clock it was 7:15am.

"Well I did get to sleep in" I thought to myself. I got up and went to check on all of the children. As I went down the hall, past the older two who were running around the couch in the den, I couldn't help but laugh. The blinds were wide open on both of their bedroom windows and letting in just enough light to turn their nightlight off for the day.

I shall in the future be more specific on my requests to my children.

shepherd man

Hi everyone out there. I'm sorry for not posting lately. I've been slammed at work and with side projects at SkuFlow. Free time has been very scarce for about 2 months straight but I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I will start to post again on a regular basis. Just to get back in the swing of posting i wanted to tell you about a very funny scene. As I said, work has just been insane. We moved into a new state-of-the-art design studio and redefined our company as a sleek efficient web studio. You can check out our new website at www.mediapulse.com. If you know of anyone needing a killer website, feel free to point them our direction. So last night I got home and after a long week of work I really didn't feel like cooking and neither did the Mrs. It was an IHOP night. With the economy getting tight we haven't eaten out as much so it was a real treat to go have some good pancakes and just relax and take a deep breath. While we were eating, this group of bikers showed up in full riding gear. They were really rough looking but really warm people having fun and laughing among themselves. One gentleman had a do-rag on his head which our eldest daughter noticed right off the bat.

"LOOK DADDY - A SHEPHERD! She said.

I have never seen a group of people laugh so hard. We also laughed pretty good.

Hi Babies!

Hi Babies! It's your Daddy here. I have been working so hard that I just realized I haven't had time to post any blogs. Time sure has passed by. Where did summer go? I'm probably going to have to work again this weekend to get some projects finished. But I want you to know that when you come up to show me something new, ask a question, ask for a kiss or need a hug, I will be there and you will have my full attention. You always come first. Work is something that I have to do - being with you and learning together and watching you grow is something I WANT to do. There is a big difference between have and want. You will learn that soon enough.

Since I last wrote here you have grown so much. Emma you are becoming a wonderful big sister to Chloe and Lydia. Chloe you are finding your place as the middle child and making your own light under which you can glow. You too are a great big sissy. I can't believe you are a big girl now. I hope you enjoyed your 3rd birthday last month. Lydia you are so cute and funny and make us all laugh. Your head bobbing mouth popping teeter-walking "momma da-da sissssssy" calling always smiling big blue eyed personality just melts my heart after a long day at the office.

My sweet babies, you are asleep now and hopefully pleasantly lost in your dreams. I'm going to tuck you in one more time in a few minutes. Will you hear me as I kiss you and tell you how special you are to me? Will the words "I love you, my sweet princess" find it's way to you in Dreamland? I'll pull your blanket up and put that favorite doll of yours under your arm and make sure to spray the shadows with the "monster spray" (air freshener for you adults reading) to keep you safe all night long.

Be good girls tomorrow. That sweet mommy of yours has a lot on her hands juggling all three of you during the day while daddy is at work. Let's not cut our hair again, Emma. Chloe, let's not draw on the walls either. Make your beds in the morning and drink your milk. Lydia, take a nap with your sisters so that mommy can lay down and rest for a few minutes too! Clean your room when mommy says and take a nap after lunch. Play sweetly with each other and tell your mommy how much you love her and how special she is.

Precious girls we love you very much. Just as soon as Daddy is finished with these projects, we'll pack a picnic lunch and go to the mountains. Emma - I haven't forgotten about this and we'll make sure to get you some marshmallows to roast on the fire at the park.

I love you ladies. Sleep well.

How Great Thou Art

So we are in a stage where our youngest is teething and our older two have decided not to really do a thing that mommy and daddy say. Patience is indeed a virtue. When you do not have kids you laugh at parents in the mall saying "Jimmy I'm going to count to three and you better - Jimmy I'm serious! Let go of the - JIMMY -- FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GET DOWN FROM.....Jimmy I'm going to count to three. One, Twoooooooo - JIMMY GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR SISTER'S NOSE THIS INSTANT...."

Well you get the picture. I swore early on as a childless father that I would never be "that guy" at the mall. "Kids should just obey you when you tell them to do something" was my belief and mantra.

Enter the kids - toss the mantra out the window. I now understand that the parents were not counting for the benefit of the children. The parents were counting so that they wouldn't unwind like a spring on an overwound clock.

Timeout is a joke, spanking doesn't work. Parents are forced to become "that guy" at the mall.

Therefore I am in the process of writing a song to the tune of "How Great Thou Art". This is probably the most beautiful gospel song ever written. It has been a part of my life as long as I can remember which is back to the age of about 3 or 4 when I sang it in church. To this day I find myself singing it or whistling it as I work through a stressful moment in life. If you don't know that song, listen to the great Elvis singing here >> LINK.

This song is initially titled "Then Screams My Child..."

THEN SCREAMS MY CHILD
By: The Dude

When I lay down
at 1:30 in the morning,
my bones weary from
working all day long.

You start to cry
and scream and shout
real loudly, my ears
begin to bleed real
badly from deep within.

So I get up and
stumble to your bedroom,
I pick you up and
hold you close and
start to sway.

--CHORUS--
Then screams my child
My God you are so loud.
The neighbors wake and
our pets run around.

It never stops -
from 6 am to
7 or 8pm I pray that
you will stop and
give my ears a rest.


I'm going to count
to one and two and three-
and maybe four or five
if I am really tense.

It's not for you
that I count so clearly -
It is for me and
myself all alone...



That's all I got so far but hopefully I can get the lyrics cleaned up and get Josh Groban to sing it...

Bye

Mondays always seem to last forever. A long day of work leads into a long night of work on projects and programming. The few short hours in between are scattered with screaming, crying, hugging, and laughter with the kids. My little princesses continue their surge toward "independence." As I tucked them into bed tonight I had to try really hard but gave in and giggled like a little girl with my daughters.

As I leaned over my middle girl, she motioned for me to come near and she quietly whispered "Daddy yo a butt-head."

Her giggle is infectious and I tried not to laugh as the elder child succumbed to the giggles.

"That's right Daddy, you're a booty head!" She exclaimed.

I giggled quietly then had to be the mature one.

"Now girls, that's not very nice to say. You have hurt my feelings" I said.

Now at this time, I was expecting to get at least one "I'm sorry". I figured with one older daughter and young daughter I had a 50/50 shot. Yeah right. With a long night of work ahead of me I kissed the girls again and said "Ok you girls need to settle down and go to bed. Daddy's gotta get back to work and I can't keep coming in here to tell you to go to sleep. I love you and you all have sweet dreams."

"Bye Daddy!" said the oldest child.

"I'm not leaving... I'll be in the den." I replied.

"I Know, Daddy... " She said. "That is 'goodnight' in Spanish".

Te quiero a nenas.

Daddy loves you.

The Collection

This morning on the way to school, we had to drop Izzy off at the vet for her shots and to get fixed. Part of the adoption agreement was that we would do both within 30 days of taking her from the Humane Society facility. As a result of taking an early trip to the vet, we missed breakfast at school this morning so I stopped at Burger King to get the girls something to fill their loudly growling stomachs. We settled on milk and French toast sticks... they could have worse. As we were sitting there in the drive-thru, Emma looked up into the (car) window and saw Chloe's reflection.

"Chloe, sweety, look in the window - " she began, "do you see yourself? That's called your collection."

"Ooooooooooooooooohhhh!" Chloe exclaimed.

As I giggled I asked Emma "What is that called again?"

[Insert brief pause here]

"Oh did I say collection?" she asked. "I used the wrong word. It's your fuhflection, Chloe"

Satisfied with herself, we drove off to go eat breakfast at school.

Boom Boom

So it's almost July 4th. Boom Boom go the fireworks. Unfortunately that's not the Boom Boom I'm talking about. While working on a job for a client(as usual), my older the girls were watching a movie when the middle child decided she wanted to spontaneously say "Daddy my panties are in my Boom Boom." I tried not to laugh but it just kinda happened.

I commended her for her excellent talking ability (she's really talking now!) and then asked "What's a boom boom?"

"It's behind your Too Too, Daddy.", said the elder daughter. This clarified things for me instantly.

Giggles ensued.

For the next few minutes they sounded like cheerleaders exchanging rounds of "This is my Boom Boom, this is my Too Too" while doing all types of calisthenics to point out each of their certain unmentionables. (Of course they were fully dressed and pointing to themselves) I had to turn away so they couldn't see me laughing but I bet they could tell because I know for a fact my shoulders were doing that shaky "don't let Daddy catch you laughing in church" type movement.

"Who's teaching my children these names for women parts?" I thought to myself between laughing episodes.

I am in such trouble as the only Dude in the house. God help me if my little cheerleaders start talking about their Rah Rah's or their Siss Boom Bahs.

Crazy + Crazy <> Crazy

Crazy is not at all like infinity. Infinity is an unknown ever expansive measurement. I used to say to my parents when I was a kid that "I love you infinity plus infinity". That means nothing really. Sure the "I love you" part is sentimental but the portion about infinity is just stupid. The reason is that if you add infinity to itself, you still have infinity.... NOT INFINITY TIMES TWO.

So crazy is not at all like infinity. Crazy plus More Crazy = Awholelottacrazy. Thus this story begins. Friday night the Mrs. and I were watching news and a story came on about how The Humane Society a few counties over from us was going to euthanize about 50 dogs and cats unless they got adopted. We just looked at each other and decided right then and there that we would drive 90 miles for the chance to play hero to some sort of animal. It really didn't matter what type of dog it was as long as it was friendly and good with the kids. We packed the kids in the car after breakfast and didn't even tell them where we were going. We just drove.

Now if you've been reading this blog for any time at all you know that I have a gorgeous wife and three beautiful daughters. They happen to all be redheaded so I feel quite out-numbered. As luck would have it, we did indeed adopt a dog for the girls. Of course, it is female and also has red hair. She's really sweet and probably a year and a half - 2 years old and is a part Aussie mix. I think the other half is Irish setter. She points at the birds when we take her out to go to the bathroom.

The girls, apprehensive at first, have fallen in love with the new addition to our family. Score one for "Team Girl" and again, the masses against me are growing and I'm now even more outnumbered.

Her name is Isabelle, or Izzybell or Insabell, depending on which daughter you ask. Welcome home Izzy. I hope you like your new home. Yes we are crazy, and even more so than this time yesterday.

More from the Crazy Farm soon...

Piggy Back Rides

The title sounds innocent right? Well this is an innocent story so it should. I have decided that God reveals himself in both mysterious and humorous ways. We, both men and women, are made in His image. I don't necessarily think that is a physical meaning. I believe it's more of the emotions, spirit, experiences and relationships which make us like God. The bible states that God has given us Love, Peace, and Joy and the greatest is love. I think Joy should be the second because God does have a sense of humor. Why else would He make green beans the same color as their vine or make oranges circular so they are hard to stack. I'm sure He sits on His throne during the summer months laughing and pointing to tons of beans left on the vine that we didn't see.

Life's garden is rich with fruit. He has given us a bountiful harvest of funny memories for us to take when we get to heaven. Some we see and enjoy here on Earth. I believe other funny events will be revealed to us just like green beans we have left on the vine. So be aware and always watching your children to make sure you pick as many beautiful memories as possible. They grow so fast don't they?

So what does this have to do with piggy back rides?

Here is a green bean I found yesterday:

Imagine your oldest child, barely into her fourth year playing with her dolls on the floor. The family dog is chasing a ball around the family room while the middle child laughs and calls his name and the youngest child is taking a nap during all of this. Silence is a scary thing to a parent. When it goes silent that is usually not a good sign.

SILENCE - man it's loud. I sit in my chair ever listening. Nothing at first, then slowly and barely audible there it is...

Jingle jingle jingle jingle goes the dog's collar. I know... I just know. I place my laptop on my chair and turn around to see our family dog ravishing the back of my oldest child as she plays quietly with her dolls on the floor. And then she speaks:

"Daddy - look - he wants a piggy back ride!" she giggles.

Thank you God for that green bean. I shall feast deliciously on that one for quite some time.

Daddy Words

When I walk into the house after not seeing my girls all day, they are of course, very excited and wish to tell me all about their day. Now mind you, they want to tell me in the span of 14.6 seconds so I have to listen very carefully. We sit down to eat dinner and I just want to hear the first 2 news stories because I've determined that everything after that is repeat news from the previous day. I would hope that my girls could accommodate me in this little way but of course, that is expecting too much from an almost 3 year old and a 4 year old going on 30. I shall now paraphrase how this evening went. For simplicity's sake, assume the following: BGP = big girl princess (aka oldest daughter), LGP = little girl princess (aka middle daughter), TGP = tiny girl princess (aka my baby girl).


ME: "How'd your day go honey?"

BGP: "OH DADDY I -"

LGP: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH"

MRS: "Fine not much other than the doctor's appointment."

ME: "How did that -"

LGP: "DAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

TGP: "WAAAAAAAAAAAH"

MRS: "Boy! She (TGP) is really enjoying that broccoli"

ME: "Girls please be quiet, daddy wants to hear this news stor-"

BGP & LGP: [Giggles and food munching]

BGP: "DADDY TODAY I ATE LUNCH"

ME: "I'm glad you did... can daddy just lis-"

LGP: "WHAT'S WONG WID WYDIA'S CWADUHHHHL"

TGP: "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

ME: "Nothing baby, Daddy is fixing it... can Daddy just please li-"

BGP: "Be quiet [to LGP]. I'm trying to watch tv. It's Important! Yes. Yes it was a bad day. Something happened there. And over there. And other stuff happened too... [Glances toward me] Look at me - I'm using daddy words."

The TV quietly switched to recaps of yesterday's news. If you know what the top two news stories were on 6/18/2008, other than Tim Russert's Funeral, Iraq, the election, Mid-western flooding, diabetes, fuel prices, our suck-ass economy or the Bush Administration - please let me know.