Holiday Football

Baking assorted goodies for the Christmas Feast - $192.57

Decking the Halls in assorted lights for 4 redheaded women - $250.39

Making sure that three little girls had a very merry Christmas - $753.22

Snuggling with your oldest baby on a rainy Christmas afternoon and hearing her say "Merry Christmas Daddy - You have a head shaped like a football!"


PRICELESS


It was indeed a very Merry Christmas. The Dude Room wishes you and yours the same!


NOTE: All prices are for humor purposes only. The Dude does not have high enough security clearance to view receipts so he doesn't know the amount spent during the holidays. No children were harmed during the making of this blog post. This blog post is not tested on animals and is certified hypoallergenic by the FDA, USDA, NSA, FBI, FAA, CIA, IRS and the YMCA. This post will not cause global warming. Never tease this blog post. You should not read this blog post if you are pregnant, could become pregnant, or intend to become pregnant. Reading this post could cause abnormal laughter and snorting. Do not read this blog post while driving or sipping hot beverages. Do not look directly at the blog while reading. The blog may suddenly change directions and leave you dazed and confused. Do not read this blog post if you have experienced any of the following over the past 48 hours: Vertigo, fear of small rodents, drooling, excessive eating or drinking, Too Much Electronic Toys also known as TMET's Syndrome, or an erection lasting for more than 4 hours. Reading this blog while on MAO inhibitors may cause a sudden drop in blood pressure, difficulty urinating, apoxia, clubbed feet or Pillsbury Doughboy hands.

Doyah Pooyups

Last night was a tough one for the girls. Chloe actually took a nap but was still tired. Emma decided she didn't want to take a nap and was really tired. They both get really whiny when they need to go to bed. During the day, the Mrs. called me and I could tell she was near the end of her rope. She put the girls on the phone and I told each one of them to take a nap. I'm not sure if Chloe took what I said to heart or if she just decided to nap on her own. I also told the girls if they didn't take a nap, they'd get a Daddy Spankin' or something else when I got home.

So I walked into the house last night and asked Chloe if she took a nap. She shook her head and said "uh huh". I turned to Emma and she said "NO I'M GOING TO STAY UP ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT." That went over well.

"Do you want a spanking on your hand or on your bottom?" I asked.

"On my bottom but just a widdle spanking, ok?" She said.

As my heart was shattering inside, I said "Well that kind of defeats the purpose of spankings. I tell you what, I don't think that this deserves a spanking so what is something you want to do after dinner?"

"I want to eat a Christmas cookie!" she said.

"Well since you didn't take a nap today like mommy and daddy said, you cannot have a Christmas cookie." I replied.



[ Insert various pouting and tantrums here]


Once she had that out of her system we changed into our pajamas and started to wind down for the night. Emma was still whining so I told her if she kept it up, I'd put her back into baby diapers. She would not have that.

She stood up and dropped her PJs and said

"NO DADDY I'M GOING TO WEAR WOMAN PANTIES."

As she was pulling up her PJs, Chloe dropped hers and nodded her head and said "DOYAH POOYUPS - MY DO IT!"

That is her way of telling me she is going to wear Dora Pull-ups and she'll put them on and take them off as she sees fit.

Rock on my little independent ladies.


I then cuddled with all three of my daughters in my chair. Emma was on the right side. Chloe was bouncing on my knee and little sweet Lydia was nestled in the crook of my left arm. The Christmas tree was brightly lit in the corner of the den and I read A Berry Merry Christmas (Srawberry Shortcake and Friends) to my girls. I'm not sure who was having more fun.

Crickets

Yet another post from the dude room about events that happened during dinner. I am working so many hours, that is the only time I have to visit with my family.

Tonight the Mrs. made yet another yummy dinner. As we were finishing Emma was being so silly naming animals and then "how they sound". However, with her being silly she was mismatching things on purpose.


"Daddy do you know how a horse goes?" she asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" she giggled.

"Daddy do you know how a cow goes?" she asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"bawk bawk bawk!" she said as she flapped her arms.

"Daddy do you know how a goat goes?" She asked.

"Nope!" I replied.

"moooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" she said with her neck outstretched.

Now little miss copy-cat, aka Chloe Ann, mimics her big sister in everything from dress to eating to attitude. Like her big sister she enjoys the funny stuff with daddy and mommy.

"wibbit wibbit!" Chloe said.

"Alright Chloe!" Momma replied.

Emma and I kept up our animal banter for a few more minutes. Now what happened next, should have been on video. I will try to illustrate what happened but i'm not sure it will do it justice.

As soon as she could slip in a word edgewise Chloe shouted





FOCK!


[ Insert silence with cricket noises here....]


After a short pause to roll my tongue back up in my mouth and scoop my jaw off the table I said "Excuse me young lady?" in my official DMV (Daddy's Mad Voice).


"Honey she's saying 'frog'..." the Mrs. said.

I felt much better after hearing this translation.

Formalo

Well I'm still out here. I've been working myself dizzy. In November, I clocked over 260 hours. The good news is I get paid on half of those hours.... Wait - that doesn't sound like a good deal.

Tonight the Mrs. made yummy pizza for dinner. She is so good at that. I look forward to it whenever we get the chance to do it. Nothing beats homemade pizza!

While we were all munching on our pizza, Emma decided to tell me how big she was.


"Daddy I'm almost as big as you are!" she said triumphantly.

"Well you are getting to be a big girl for sure." I replied as I danced with Lydia in my arms to keep her happy and content.

Eating her pizza she said "I know. I used to drink that formalo like Lydia does but not any more."

"That's right baby." I said as I dipped Lydia.

"You know you'll remember dancing with her when you dance at her wedding." The Mrs. said.

"Shhhhhhh I don't want to think about that." I replied.

Dinner was great tonight.

I love you ladies.

Half Deer

So if you haven't heard, I've been working incredible hours plus driving 45 miles each way for about 10 days now. We're getting a new POS up and running at work and it is a hands-on type of installation. As a result, getting home late makes for a very short evening with my girls. The Mrs. is about ready to pull her hair out too because her day is longer as a result of all my long hours.

Anyway we seem to be eating out a few times a week just to make things easier on both of us at the moment. Tonight it was Cracker Barrel Night. The girls were of course precious as usual and pretty well-behaved. Somehow our conversation turned to hunting. I have no idea how or why really. I think Emma brought it up but I can't be sure. Whenever you eat at an establishment that has half a deer sticking out of the wall, odds are at some point during your visit the topic will come up.

"Mommy some people shoot deers and cook them and eat them!" Emma said.

"Well... that is how some people eat." Momma replied.

"What do they shoot the deer with, Emma?" I asked.

[EDITORIAL NOTE: Now at this point in time, I believed this to be a rhetorical question. I just knew she would answer "a gun". However, my daughter is a Hendrix and is already showing her divergent thinking...]

"Well...." She began. "They take this pointy thing and put it in a tube and PPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT it at the deer."

Ok fess up - who the heck is teaching my children the fine art of large game hunting with a blowgun?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Daddy - Timeout, TIMEOUT!!!

Tonight at dinner, the girls were being absolutely adorable. Nothing special - just being their sweet selves. Emma decided it would be a good thing to play with her spaghetti noodles on the table. I simply asked her not to do that and to put her food back on her plate.

Chloe immediately pointed at her and in a half-panic-stricken voice looked at me and said "Oooooh oooh Daddy - Timeout TIMEOUT."

I think I choked when she said that.

5

The Mrs. and I celebrated 5 years of marriage yesterday. Lots has changed since we first got married including 2 new residences, three babies, and a major employment shift for myself. Vacations, happy and sad times, cherished memories we have made. You have changed my life for the better! I love you sweetheart.

A Perfect 10

Tonight I was cleaning up after dinner and Chloe Bug was crawling around on the floor acting like a little kitty cat. On her second lap through the kitchen between the "meows", my little angel counted to 10 - clear as a bell. Now to make sure that I wasn't mis-understanding her, on the third lap through the kitchen I asked her to count to ten and she did it again. Of course there were assorted YAYs and HOORAYs and hugs flying in all directions.

A Scary Song For Daddy

Well this morning was a treat for sure. Since we moved into the new house, neither me nor the Mrs. have parked in our own garage. The reason is because we have been using that as a collection point for all of the stuff we wanted to donate to Amvets and not bring into the house. I would estimate that it ended up being about 2 or 3 pickup truck loads worth of stuff and I am positive that it will go to someone that really needs it. Anyway, they came to pickup the stuff last week so we can actually park one of our vehicles in the garage at the moment. The Mrs. suggested last night that I park in the garage so I wouldn't have to wait for my car to warm up this morning. She is so smart! What a great idea. That is why my day started out as a treat - not having to let my car run to defrost the windows and warm up. The garage is a great invention for sure and will not be taken for granted.

After Emma said that Daddy was silly for "parking the car in the house", we buckled up, opened the garage door and started the warm car.

"This is the life!" I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee.

The girls were exceptionally cute today in their matching Halloween shirts we bought at Cracker Barrel a few weeks ago. After a night of pumpkin carvin' (or puhkeens as Chloe calls them), the girls were primed to be excited about dressing up in their costumes tonight. They are really into it this year. Emma drew her own design on the pumpkin and momma expertly carved it out - complete with all four of the eyes. As Emma said "4 eyes is more better, Daddy". (What do you bet she will color the squirrels purple when she's at school?)

We were half way to school when Emma said "Hey Chloe let's sing a special scary song for Daddy!"

"Uh Huh..." Chloe said as she pointed and yelled "HOBBY HOBBY!" as we passed by the Hobby Lobby. Emma still calls it the Hobby Hobby too and I'm not one to stop them - it is so cute when they do it!

As I drove onward, I wondered just how special this song would be. Would this song be like The Daddy Song, by Emma? Would it be something new with words like "I adore my Daddy" or "Daddy is my best friend" or "Daddy, Silly Daddy"? I shook with anticipation as the girls cleared their throats to begin their song, as conducted and soloed by Emma:

A - B - C - D - E - F     BOO!

"Oh Emma! That really was a scary song!" I shouted as the girls cackled in the backseat.


Happy Halloween Everyone!

Halloween Smells

Last night we had our first frost of the year. What a relief! Cooler weather has prevailed for a few weeks now and I think the heat from the summer is finally gone until next year. Now if we could just get some rain....

This morning it was cold - cold enough I needed to start the car well before we headed to school. I could tell that someone around us had a fire going because the smoke hung heavily above our street and the air smelled of days gone by sitting around a campfire.

I went back inside and shook off the cold. The girls were still asleep all snuggled under their covers. I hate waking them up when they are sleeping so well. I wonder what they dream about.

After getting the girls ready for school, they both put on their new winter jackets and we headed out. The cold air rushed at the girls as we headed to the car.


"Ooooooooooooooooh Daddy - It smells windy!" Emma said.

"Yeah Daddy, windy." Chloe mumbled.

Peas and White Cereal

Emma and Chloe woke up early this morning and ironically went straight to their playroom rather than playing "Crawl all over Daddy". CAOD is quite fun for them especially when I am asleep. One time not too long ago, Chloe played WDOD which I do not care for. WDOD stands for "Wet Diaper On Daddy." She woke me up a few weeks ago by smacking me in the face with her wet pullup while saying "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurty." I really don't care to wakeup in that manner.

Anyway I was able to take a shower and get dressed this morning without interference. Usually the kids want to come into the bathroom and just chat. Other mornings, Morgan will come into the bathroom and lick the shower door. That is his special way of saying "Hey jackass, I'm thirsty."

It still creeps me out.

I walked into the kitchen half asleep and poured my coffee. I was getting something to take and eat on the drive to work when Emma popped her head around the corner.

"Gooooooood Morning Daddy!" She brightly exclaimed.

"Hello there, Sweety. Did you sleep well?" I asked.

"I sure did and now I'm wide awake!" she responded.

"I can tell" I chuckled. "What are you and your sister up to this morning?"

"Oh we are having a wonderful picnic in the paywoom" Emma said.

"I sure hope you remember to eat healthy" I quipped.

"Well, we are. We're having peas and white cereal (frosted shredded wheat) with our dollies - and it is goooooo-ooooooooood." Emma said with a beautiful smile.

"Are your dollies eating too?" I asked.

"Ummmmmmmmmmm no Daddy - they are dolls." She replied.


I'm still giggling about that one 12 hours later. She makes me feel so smart.

Mommy Yaryoo

Tonight after dinner, the Mrs. went out for some "me time". I think she likes her time even if it's a quick trip to one of her favorite stores just to walk the aisles. Don't get me wrong - we love all of our kids beyond words. We are lucky enough for one of us to be able to stay home with the kids; however, after 11 hours of booger wiping, sippy cup refills, "don't do that", "do this", "don't eat that", "get your foot out of your mouth" and other assorted micromanagement tasks - a woman needs time just to get away. So the Mrs. left for a few and I cleaned the kitchen and got the kids ready for bed.

As I was loading the dishwasher, Chloe was walking from room to room screaming "MOMMY YAR YOO?"

It wasn't a panic type scream. It was simply an inquisitive scream which was probably loud enough for her mommy to hear across town at Target.

Mommy - just know your kids love you immensely and miss you when you're away even if it's for a very quick "me time."

We love you mommy.

Daddy Wuvu

As I said earlier, yesterday was a gloomy day. As soon as I got in my car to head home from the office, the skys seemed to open up. I rounded a curve and hit a pothole covered in water and blew out my back tire. I wobbled on 3 tires for about a quarter mile and went in the wrong way to a parking garage in a not-so-good area of town. Visions of getting shot in a driveby or mugged in that dark place filled my head. I could only think of my beautiful wife and little girls as I worked furiously to get the spare tire on the car as I periodically stood up and surveyed my surroundings. Needless to say it was a creepy situation. The spare tire was on the car but it had very low air pressure. I decided to take my chances and go around the corner to a gas station and fill up the tire there.

A spare tire is kind of like a get-out-of-jail-free card. You never know when you'll need it but it's always good to have. Make it a point to check their air pressure in your spare tire as often as you do your other tires. It's a good habit to start.

I arrived at the gas station going very slowly as to not bend the rim or hurt the spare tire any more.

NO AIR? What the hell. This is a national chain gas station and they don't have air? I shall write a letter over this one for sure. The next gas station was about 2 miles away so I headed out.

Through pouring rain and stoplights I slowly crept on a wounded tire. The sweat stung my eyes but I couldn't wipe my brow because I had grease all over my hands. I managed to find a wipe under the seat left by one of the kids and cleaned a finger good enough I could clear the sweat from my eye. I have to be very careful with my left eye because I just had the second of three shots to try and stop this hemorrhage from leaking in my eye and it's very suseptible to infection at the moment.

I rolled into the parking lot and found their air service. I went into wash my hands and get something to drink and snack on. It would be a long drive home at 45 mph through the blinding rain on a tiny doughnut spare tire. NOTE TO SELF: Next car you purchase, inspect the spare to make sure it's a full size tire.

I finally pulled in the driveway and the rain was still coming down pretty good. I walked up to the front door. My beautiful wife was preparing the children's dinner plates and I could see Chloe sitting in her chair. The light from inside the house seemed to blanket the front porch making it feel warm and inviting. The dog was curled up on the floor probably dreaming about chasing his ball or picking on the cat.

I stood there for just a second to take this scene in. "My God, I am blessed!" I thought as I smelled dinner knocking on the slightly foggy window panes. I snuck in the door and softly shut and locked it behind me. After setting down my daddy stuff, Chloe finally saw me and just turned to me and as clear as a bell said "Hi Daddy, wuv u".

The anxiety of my day just didn't matter any longer and just drifted away. My middle child, without pompting, had welcomed me home and told me that she loved me.

I am so lucky. I fixed my plate then kissed my family and sat down at the table. The girls bowed their little heads, said the blessing, and then resumed being the wonderful kids they are.

After dinner I cleaned the kitchen and gave the girls a quick bath. They had the choice of wresslin on the floor or reading bedtime stories. My girls chose wresslin just to have a little more time with daddy before they had to go to bed.

It was a good day yesterday.

Homesick...

Yesterday was a gloomy day. We are finally getting some of the rain which we so desparately need! On gloomy days it just seems harder to wake up and get going. It's also a good day to just not feel well. Perhaps the rain and gray skies make us feel better when we're feeling bad. Yesterday I was getting ready to take the girls to school and Emma looked at me and said "Daddy I'm homesick."

Confused, I replied "Baby you are at home, how can you be homesick?"

"I have a cough and other things. I need to stay home sick and not go to school."

That immediately brightened my day.

Do you want fries with that?

Ok try this. Close your eyes and picture your typical McDonalds restaurant. I'm sure you can vividly see the playground, the yellow and red sign, the chocolate milkshake which always seems to spill out of the bottom of the outside garbage cans, and the red roof with the yellow lights. I've never bothered thinking about what they are - or what they could be. They were just the yellow lights illuminating the night sky.

This morning on the way to drop the girls off at their school, the stars were still shining brightly as the sun crept over the mountains. We were at a stoplight and playing rounds of "I Spy". Which by the way, every time it was Chloe's turn, she just said "cooooooooookie".

Anyway Emma was quietly looking out the window with a smile on her face and patiently waiting for her turn at the game. I could tell that she was looking at McDonalds and then she caught me off guard.

I was expecting for her to say "I spy a slide" or something like that.

"I spy yellow french fries Daddy." Emma said.

"Where do you see that, baby?" I asked.

"On the woof on McDonalds!" She exclaimed.

Now You See Me...

Tonight at dinner, Chloe started closing her eyes and giggling hysterically. After watching her for a few minutes I caught on.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Chloe?" I asked.

She sat their giggling for a few seconds then peeked out of the corner of her eyes.

"OH MY GOODNESS! THERE SHE IS! YOU SCARED ME CHLOE!" I shouted.

It's funny to see your kids do something cute for the first time. How lucky would we be as adults if we could just close our eyes and think that no one could see us. I shall try that tomorrow at the office.

Bricks

Things have been nutso on the job-front for me. Long hours and technical problems abound but I think things are getting back on track. This past weekend was great. On Saturday we went to the Fall Harvest Festival in town. The kids enjoyed all of the rides and the weather was superb. I had fun - I really did - even pushing a 100 pound double stroller uphills both ways. When we got home, we cleaned up and went out to eat Chinese. It really was like a mini-vacation. We ate out three times on Saturday! It was all good too. At the Chinese place, Emma enjoyed her very own bowl of soup and Chloe played Rice Hooray. If you don't know what that is, imagine a very cute 2 year old eatting a little bit of rice and flinging what is left in her hands straight up in the air. I believe she only did this while only I (and not her mother) was looking at her. The girls we so tired when we got home they just passed out without making their usual nightly banter as they drift off to sleep.

Sunday was totally different. Emma wasn't feeling good and I think Chloe was just tired all day. Lydia wanted to be held and cuddled at all times and I didn't mind a bit. We spent the day just kind of not doing much of anything. I worked some and watched the kids and Christina worked on some things around the house. Sunday night after dinner, the girls were again exhausted. However, it was time to pick up the toys and the girls really didn't want to help out.

"Girls I guess if you don't want to pick up your toys then we'll just give them away to a charity and get you bricks to play with. Would you like to play with bricks instead of these toys?" I asked.

Almost as if dancing in perfect synchronization, the girls answered "Yes Daddy we want bricks".

I turned around and just came down stairs chuckling under my breath. My girls have kicked my ass for the first of what I believe will be many times throughout our lives. I love them dearly.

Hey Man, Nice Turd

When I was a young man growing up, I often dreamed of what my life as a father and husband would be like. I had visions of my children running to the door shouting "DADDY'S HOME" as they hugged my legs looking up and smiling. I also dreamed that my wife would hug me and kiss me and say "I missed you today - I'm glad you're home!"

God has blessed me and this is usually now a reality on a daily basis. I am a very lucky man.

Sometimes, however, my welcome home isn't quite as I had dreamed so many years ago.

Yesterday I came home from a long day at the office and saw Emma and Chloe peeking through the narrow windows that encase our front door. Emma had her cute little smile from ear to ear and she waved at me and giggled. Chloe had her face pressed so tightly against the glass that it looked as if she had a pair of stockings over her head. She loves to play "lick the window". Daddy loves to play "Windex the window" quite often.

I approached the door and I could hear both of my older children just giggling and saying "Hi Daddy!" through the glass. This unknowingly would be the last glimpse of my normal welcome-home-daddy-time. I opened the door and entered the family room and immediately had two 30+ pound children on my legs just hanging on for a ride as I walked to my chair to set down my briefcase.

"Daddy, Poop!" said Chloe.

"Ok i'll change your diaper." I said as I told Christina "Hi".

"No Daddy, she pooped in the big girl potty!" Emma said proudly of her little sister. "Come here and look."

I am so glad they think of me. We walked to the bathroom and all three of us just stared down into an empty bowl.

"Um, there's nothing here Emma." I said.

"Well I know, Daddy, we flushed it but it used to be there - she really did it Daddy!" Emma replied.

"ALRIGHT CHLOE! Gimme Five" I said.

Emma wanted a high five too and I obliged without hesitation.

Now the question this raises is this - When do we stop praising our children when they don't crap themselves. Trust me i'm very glad that Chloe could be making the movement (haha no pun intended) to the realm of potty training. The only thing that parenting books say is to praise your children and make a big deal of it... but not for how long. I don't remember how old I was when my folks stopped with the praise. Emma has been potty trained for quite some time yet we still praise her for pooping or peeing in the potty.

I know this is going to get awkward if I don't find the answer. I see myself seeing the girls off on their first date or Prom and I really don't want to say "You need to go potty before you leave." I have this fear which is growing inside me that one day I'll be in the bathroom with my co-workers and as they leave the room, I slap them on the shoulder and say "Hey man, nice turd!"

If you know the answer regarding LOTP (Length Of Turd Praising), feel free to forward that on to me.

Weeshullin'

Well it appears that Chloe is going through a rapid development stage. It seems like just since Lydia was born that her vocabulary is really developing. She can string together 3-4 word sentences and we've really started communicating with her on a more advanced level which is nice - especially if she's hurt or not feeling well.

For the past few days, Chloe has been following me around tugging at my pants saying "Daddy, weeshull". I haven't been able to figure out what that meant. It was driving me crazy not having a clue what she wanted - especially since she has really started talking.

Well on Saturday, we were all in the same room and Chloe was running around saying "Daddy, weeshull" again so I finally said "I'm sorry baby I don't know what you want." She hung her head down a little and it broke my heart to see her feelings hurt.

Emma said, "Daddy she wants to 'wrassle'".

Me and the Mrs. burst out laughing. Not only is that the coolest thing ever when your children take the initiative and tell you what they want or need, but also the fact that Emma knew what her sister wanted. Emma is now our official baby-talk interpreter when we can't figure things out.

Needless to say, the girls and I just "weeshulled' on the floor like crazy after dinner. We ended the night all tied up in one huge tickle ball with all of us giggling on the floor.

Red Letter Day

So we all knew that the day would come when Chloe crossed that boundary from toddler to "big girl". Yesterday was such a day. Chloe used the training potty for the first time before bed with big sister there at her side just a coaching her and cheering her on. As I was getting their beds ready for the night, I heard Emma shout from the other side of the wall in the bathroom.

"DADDY! CHLOE PEED IN THE POTTY!" She exclaimed.

"Did she really?" I skeptically questioned?

"SHE SURE DID DADDY!" she replied as she pointed to the training potty.

Chloe was excited and stood up to show me.

As I peeked in the potty, I'm not sure, but I do believe I heard the angels singing Handel's Messiah with the full Hallelujah chorus.

Before I could tell Chloe just how proud I was of her major accomplishment, Emma chimed in with "OH HOW PRECIOUS, DADDY! Chloe pee-peed in the potty. She's a big girl now. We are so proud of you Chloe." I'm sure they gave each other high-fives (after washing their hands of course).

Nothing builds teamspirit like a family urination milestone.

Chloe threw her hands up over her head and said "HOOOWAAAAAAY". She was excited to finally be a big girl. Let's just hope the trend continues.

Way to go Chloe - you get a "special" gold star today.

An Evening Chat

Tonight Emma was really not feeling well. She probably has a stomach virus and has had a fever since early this morning. After dinner she just laid on the couch and watched Wheel of Fortune (hey it's good for her) as I fed Lydia her early evening bottle. A conversation ensued...

"Daddy you're my friend" Emma said.

"Well what a nice thing to say, Emma. You are my friend - and my daughter too! You are my oldest of three daughters." I replied.

"I have two sisters!" She said proudly.

"Oh really?" I questioned. "What are their names?"

"Wydia and Chloe" She replied. "Wydia is a tiny baby sister and Chloe is a bigger sister, but she's not the big big sister. That is me. I am the biggerest sister"

As the Mrs. was unpacking a tote full of clothing (we're doing the seasonal clothing shuffle), the conversation followed Emma throughout the family room. At this time, Chloe crawled up into my lap to look at her baby sister. She patted Lydia gently on the back and said "oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh schmall!" Even Chloe, as little as she is, seems to understand just how precious a baby is to the world. As long as there are babies, I feel there is hope for this world.

Emma came walking back from her momma wearing an all-too-big set of foot apparel.

"LOOK DADDY! I'VE GOT FRIP FROPS!" She shouted as she walked like a big-shoed clown across the carpet.

She crawled back up onto the couch and laid down, picking her toenails like the rest of the women in this family. I'm sure Lydia will do it too as soon as she can sit up.

The next statement Emma made kind of came from nowhere. As she was watching tv and picking at her toes, she calmly said "Daddy you have big boobies like mommy. I have little boobies." Her eyes never left the tv.

I am now officially on a diet. Well.... tomorrow. I must now hurry to Sonic to get a shake so the Mrs. and I can watch The Biggest Loser on NBC and be amazed at how much weight those people lose and what strong will they must have.

Daddy, your face is broked!

Yesterday was officially "cut your grass or get sued by the neighborhood association day." I think the last time I cut the grass was a month ago. It has been so dry the grass hardly grew. We got a little bit of rain last week and kaboom - knee high grass/weeds in some places. I must say it looks much better.

So after cutting the Dust Bowl, I came in to get cleaned up. I noticed that my beard was full of dirt. I know, I know - that just screams sex appeal. I never had a full beard until we got pregnant with Emma and a "daddy beard" just seemed like a cool thing to do. I shaved the beard completely each time we found out that we were pregnant so that each baby had their own special daddy beard. I didn't want them to think that I favored one child over another.

I sat there staring at my dirt filled beard and figured it was time to go back to my standard goatee type beard. "It would definitely be much cooler!" I thought. After shaving I took a shower and came out to the rest of the family. Chloe was the first one to realize that Daddy looked different. She pointed to me and laughed and said "fuuuunnnny".

Emma smiled but didn't say anything. The Mrs. didn't notice for about 20-30 minutes until I said "you didn't even notice." I think she likes it this way better than a full beard but i'm not really sure.

Later in the day, the kids crawled up in my lap.

Chloe just looked at my face and touched my cheeks and kept saying "Schmoove, Daddy".

Emma looked at me, not quite sure of what happened and said "Daddy, how did you broked your face?"

"Is it a truth or the lie, Daddy?"

So my little experiment with truth and consequences must have really sunk in the other day. For the good part of the week Emma has been testing me to see if I know the difference between the truth and a lie. She's pretty creative. One statement really caught me off guard:

"Deoxyribonucleic acid is a protein." She said.

(Not really - that is a lie but her vocabulary is getting so big it won't be long.)

Anyway I gave the girls their bath tonight and got them ready for bed. After brushing their teeth, Chloe just crept back into their room not saying a word and crawled under her covers. I think the poor girl was a tad bit tired.

"Emma you need to go potty." I said.

"I just did Daddy the other day while you were shutting the blinds, remember?" she asked.

She doesn't quite have the concept of time yet. She's good with "in a few minutes" or "tomorrow" but as with most kids, "yesterday" could be 3 minutes ago or last year.

"I didn't hear you go potty. Are you telling the truth or a lie?" I asked.

After pausing for about 20 seconds or so she quipped "Well it's a kinda truth" with a huge smile on her face.

As she sat their going to the potty I realized that it is now 'Game On' so-to-say and I'm in deep s**t with her from here on out. She now knows how to manipulate me pretty well.

Tonight the girls faded off to sleep very quickly. As I write this from the next room over from their bedroom, I cannot hear the traditional Indian drum beat of their little feet on the wall that so often accompanies their drift into slumber.

Sweet dreams baby girls. Your Daddy loves you.

World Records

Tonight the family took a trip to IHOP (there's a shocker). It was just one of those nights where you just don't feel like cooking. This trip was the very first time that the Dude and all of the women folk went out in public together as a family of five. There can be no better place to christen your child in public than at your local IHOP.

We pulled into the parking lot and I steered right into our reserved place. I'm not making this up. I think they really reserved us a particular parking spot at IHOP because it's always available. I got out of the car and took Lydia out in her baby carrier and walked around to the other side. After handing her to the Mrs., I unlatched the other two kiddies and we walked hand and hand and hand and hand and baby carrier right into the restaurant. We waited for the hostess and Chloe decided it would be fun to entertain herself. After jumping up on the bench seats for waiting customers, she put her little hands up on the glass window and squealed with joy. When the family of four on the other side of the glass looked up at her she let out a loud

"DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH..."

A smart man would have realized this as an omen and just turned around and left. So we are seated by a new hostess. Hostess Cookie and Tamara were no where to be seen. Yes we know the employees by name - don't judge us. As we looked over the menu and patiently waited for her return, Chloe started the chaos by playing a game called "lick the pepper". It was quite entertaining for her and she broke into a regular routine:

STEP 1: Shake the pepper like hell onto your hand.
STEP 2: Lick the pepper off of your hand making sure to get in between the fingers.
STEP 3: Blink both eyes at Daddy as you swallow.
STEP 4: Say "MOAH" (That's Chloe Talk for 'MORE')

Repeat steps 1-4 for no less than 5 minutes or until tongue catches on fire.

About this time, someone across the restaurant was playing "Howl Like Morgan Dog". At least that is what it sounded like. NOTE TO SELF - Find good trademark and patten attorney and protect all rights for HLMD.

As Chloe was eating her pepper by the fist-full, Emma shrugged and shot me a "What the hell look" and began to tilt her head back. I gave her the evil eye and she quietly drank her milk. I think the Mrs. knew in my heart (not to mention the barely audible inner howls I was making) that I really wanted to howl at the kid across the restaurant but she gave me her "Just Do It" look. The JDI look is her trump card. I know if I get that look I'm in big trouble.

As Chloe heard the little boy howl from across the room she decided to see where it was coming from. She stood up on the seat and peeked over the booth dividers. Of course everyone in the restaurant was amused at the little redheaded whack-a-mole and she told most of them "Hi!" in her cute little voice. After convincing her that good girls sit in their booster seats, the waitress (who was also the hostess) came back to the table to take our order and laughed at Chloe who was laid back in her booster seat with her belly showing and her arms behind her head. The Mrs. ordered strawberry pancakes for the kids and French toast for herself. The waitress looked at me and without missing a beat I said

"Yeah I'll have the leather restraints with a side of narcotics please."

I did not smile but the waitress cracked up. I ordered my standard Philly sandwich and then tended to Chloe as she poured out the sweetener packets onto the table. After getting those back in the holder, I turned to check on Lydia and heard Chloe playing with the tiny packets of jelly.

The rest of the evening went a lot like this. Chloe played more games such as hide the shoe, throw the kiddie art book and crayons, blow milk bubbles all over the table, and my favorite - jab the straw into daddy's bicep. After paying our bill, we left the restaurant the same way we came in - as a family with whom I am madly in love.

The girls did well on the way home and the Mrs. flew over the Doopy Doo which made the girls giggle with delight. I can't drive anymore at night and the Mrs. didn't let me down.

After cleaning the girls up and tucking them into bed, I stood outside their doorway as they faded off to sleep singing "The Wheels on the Bus". I know I broke two world records tonight for the most consecutive "No's" and "SIT DOWN's" in a single setting. It was worth it to see the kids have fun at one of our favorite restaurants. Good Times!

Hookd on Fonix

I've started working with the girls to help them learn how to say big words a little easier. We use phonics to sound out the syllables and they really seem to like that. I was cleaning the kitchen a few minutes ago and Emma came bouncing in all dressed up in a pink shirt and blue jeans.

"Daddy look at me!" she said as she pirouetted through the kitchen.

"That is a pretty shirt and pants." I replied.

"They aren't pants Daddy - they are Brew Jreens." she corrected.

"Brox Fleens?" I joked.

"No Daddy. Say 'BREW'." she stated.

"BREW." I exclaimed.

"Ok good. Now say 'Jreens'." she continued.

"Fleenies." I teased.

"No not quite but that's close. Say 'BREW JREENS'." she ordered.

"Blau Jerxies." I replied.

"No Daddy. That's ok it's a big word. We'll try again later." she said as she skipped on through the kitchen.

Truth And Consequences

Today I decided to teach the girls the difference between a lie and the truth. As with most parents, I relayed the importance of telling the truth by telling the story of the The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Emma seemed to be really fixated on that story and really paid attention. After the story we decided to do an exercise where Daddy made a statement, and the girls had to say whether it was a lie or the truth. Emma caught on very quickly and now knows the difference between a lie and the truth. Oh yeah the reason for this whole exercise is that Emma was sitting in her little pink princess chair watching Dora and just leaned over and spit this huge glob of spit out of her mouth onto the carpet then denied it even though I had seen her do it.

Fast forward to dinner. We finished dinner in record speed tonight and Emma wanted to hear The Boy Who Cried Wolf yet again and I was happy to tell the story. I made it extra creepy and scary this time and the girls almost jumped out of their skin when the wolf ate the little boy.

"Daddy that was a GREAT STORY (insert assorted woohoo's here)." Emma said. "I'll tell you a story now."

[Yeah I giggled here too...]

Clearing her throat she began her story:

"Once upon a time there was this little boy. He was a shepherd and had a lot of sheep - they were cute too. And the boy lived on a hill and said 'Wooooooooooooooolf' but nobody came so he did it again. And no one came again and the wolf ate they boy and he came out his poop hole."

I can't stop giggling about this one

The Daddy Song

With Lydia needing a feeding in the morning around 530 or so, the older girls have grown accustomed to just going ahead and getting up. They're usually pretty well behaved and go upstairs into their play room to play quietly. Other mornings they decide that it is really fun to play like they are in Pamplona and run with the bulls up and down the stairs. Yesterday was such a morning. I rolled out of bed to take a shower, dreading the fact that in a few hours I would have a needle sticking in my eyeball. By the way that really sucked.

I get out of the shower to the Mrs. laughing hysterically. I listen closely and hear her say "Oh you'll have to do that for your Daddy when he gets out of the shower." I hurry up and get ready, wink at that gorgeous hunk of a man in the mirror, and pretend to fire my six shooters. This is a morning ritual I have developed since my house is now full of estrogen. It just makes me feel more manly.

I entered the family room to see my beautiful girls all dressed and ready for school. I'm not 100% sure as of the writing of this post, but I believe my wife has cloned herself because the toys were picked up, the kids were dressed and she was quietly feeding Lydia her bottle like it was no big deal. Trust me - raising 3 young children under the age of four takes as much skill as juggling a battle axe, a running push mower, and a live hamster. If a man tried to do all that, the kids would be dressed like Mr. Hobo Clown, you'd break your ankles on the toys you trip over, and the baby would be screaming her head off while you fumble in the dimly lit kitchen looking for the right bottle nipple.

"Ok Emma," said the Mrs. "Sing that song for your Daddy."

"Ok!" Emma said as she positioned herself just right for the big show.

Now before I tell you the lyrics to The Daddy Song, I want you to picture this cute little redhead girl side-step dancing while shaking her booty (of course with emphasis on the booty shaking).

Ready for the lyrics?


The Daddy Song
    By Emma

Daddy Daddy Daddy Da.
Daddy Daddy Daddy Da.
Daddy Daddy Daddy Da.
Daddy Daddy Daddy Da.

(repeat 3 X)

"THAT IS SO GOOD EMMA!" I shouted. "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!"

The Mrs. later told me that when I was in the shower, she also sang The Mommy Song, the Chloe Song, and The "Wydia" Song. I'm sure you can imagine how those lyrics went.

Pirate Daddy

It has been a wonderful week with the birth of my third daughter. Lydia is already showing her personality and just getting cuter by the day. However, I did have a weird experience on Thursday night last week while still at the hospital. I was taking a quick nap and woke up to go home and let the dog out. On the way out to the house, I noticed that the lights on the left side of the road were very dim - almost as if I had blown out a headlight.

I continue home and realize that when I pulled into the driveway, both headlights were fine. "I'm just tired" I thought. I let the dog out and return to the hospital. Morning came quickly and it was time to get discharged from the hospital. When I awoke, it felt like something was in my eye and it hurt and was quite itchy. I also noticed a slight shadow in the center of my eye. I remembered that the night before I had fallen asleep with my knuckles on my left hand in my eye. "Probably the reason for the pain" I thought. The itchy feeling was kind of like my eye was asleep. I figured it would be better over the weekend.

Fast forward to Monday morning. My sight had diminished to the point it was fuzzy in my center point vision and was like I was looking through a darkly tinted window. I picked up the phone and called the eye doctor and they told me to come on down. I was there for five hours. After relentless eye drops and poking at my eye, and tons of pictures I had my diagnosis.

"OCULAR HEMORRHAGE BROUGHT ON MY RETINAL HEMANGIOMA" The doctor said clearly. It is as bad as it sounds. In a nutshell, I had at least one blood vessel that blew up inside my eye and flooded into the retina of my left eyeball.

"Mr. Hendrix, you are legally blind in your left eye." He said.

The life-long fear of losing my sight seemed to be turning into a reality. Tomorrow I begin a 3 round treatment of shots right into my eyeball - through the pupil with a big-ass syringe full of a drug called Avastin. It's a nasty chemotherapy drug used to treat tumors. It cuts the blood supply off to the tumor. Although not approved for used in this form of treatment by the FDA, There is an ok result in "off label" treatment for macular disorders such as mine. Provided I don't stroke out or have a heart attack from the medicine, there is a good chance that the bleeding in my eye will stop. After three shots if I’m still bleeding, it is not going to work and the doctors will not do anything else for me. If the bleeding stops, there is a slim chance that my body will absorb the blood in my eye and some vision will be regained. I will not have my original eyesight back in its pre-hemorrhage condition.

So today the Mrs. ran out and got me an eye patch. The reason is that with my left eye being as useful for seeing as a hard-boiled egg, it's causing my right eye to really strain. It's actually better if I don't see anything coming in my left eye. I strap on the eye patch and Emma heard the elastic band snap against my forehead. She peeked over the couch and squealed

"HI PIRATE DADDY!!!!!"

She giggled and went back to her cartoons. I came over and sat down in my chair and started to work on the computer. She came up to me and said "Daddy you are so crazy. Why are you being a pirate man?"

I explained to her that Daddy has a booboo in his eye and the eye patch kind of made it feel better.

"Oh can I see your booboo?" she asked.

"Well my booboo is inside my eye where you can't see it" I replied.

She seemed concerned and thought for a moment. "Will it get better Daddy?" she asked.

"I'm not sure baby" I replied. "God will make it all better if he wants to and if he decides to use my booboo to help someone else then that is fine."

"Ooooooooooooook you silly Pirate Daddy." She said.

If my little girls see someone that has a problem and just accept them the way they are, I think the Mrs. and I are doing something right.

I am proud of my wife and children and love them more than I can express.

A Special Blessing

The Mrs. and I are really trying to help our little princesses get off on the right foot. We made a promise to each other that as soon as Lydia was able to go out into crowds, we'd find us a church and all five us would go on a regular basis. As a "pre-church" learning experience, we have taken up saying the blessing before every meal. We even do it out in public. Growing up I always felt weird doing it at a restaurant but with my own children, it just seems perfectly natural.

So tonight we were all sitting around the table getting ready to eat "unhealthy menu #3a" which also means "Let's get some burgers from Sonic". We unwrap the burgers and of course the kids start to dig in before momma or myself sit down. And of course, when Daddy sits down on his seat (currently a step stool), they know to put their food down and hold their little hands together and bow their heads.

"Daddy, let's say a special bwessing" Emma suggests.

My heart just swelled with pride thinking that Emma wanted to say a special prayer thanking God for Lydia or something really sweet like that.

I cut a quick smile to momma and we both look back at her as proud as peacocks. The reason she wanted to say a special blessing was because the night that Lydia was born, daddy said a special blessing for a safe delivery. I didn't get to see that delivery but that's a whole other story.

I looked down at my beautiful daughter and said "Sure Emma! Daddy can say a special blessing. What do you want me to say?"

"Say the Dora blessing, Daddy" She said.

"I'm not sure I know that one baby" I replied.

Without missing a beat, she giggled "OK Dadddddddddddddy - say the Spider Man one."

We giggled all the way through dinner tonight.

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Today was a good day. The Mrs. and I brought home the third princess for The Dude Room Kingdom. Like her older sisters, she is beautiful and crowned with red hair. She is perfect in every way. It is only a matter of time until her silly father warps her like her sisters. I shall have fun though. I'm already making her "talk" by putting my index finger under her bottom lip and moving her mouth as if she were speaking. In baby voices I say "Mommy - i'm hunnnnnnnnnnnnngry" or "Mommy - i'm stinkyyyyyyyyyyy". It's childish and I love it. Lydia Gail you are already a blessing.

Today was a day to just sleep and enjoy each other. Most of the day was spent sleeping by at least one person in the family throughout the day. Around 4:00pm, everyone was awake and doing something. The girls were amazed at their new little sister. Momma was smiling at her beautiful children and loving watching them get to know each other. I was catching up on a few emails. Morgan dog was humping Pam cat over in the corner - you know a typical day.

We decided that neither of us really felt like cooking since the cupboards were bare. Therefore we decided on Subway and I took the older girls into town to let momma have a little rest time. Now at this point in their young lives, they have never been out in public with "just daddy".

I shall begin this story by saying that it was like a surreal version of Captain Insane Leads the Sticky Wickets. I really have no idea what they got into when we were in the van on the way to the store, but something invisible seemed to coat them and attracted things as we went down the aisles. No kidding... I looked down and Chloe had a box of cereal stuck to her face at one point. I decided that keeping the Barbie Fairytopia cereal was a good idea. I am secure enough in my manhood to eat that without shame.

Now for some reason, the girls decided that they missed Morgan dog and began howling for him. This is a fun game I created about 5 years ago. I can howl like a wolf and Morgan will join in almost as if driven by canine instinct, tossing his head back and letting his ears flop. So there we were - a young father and two very cute but very sticky young redhead girls flying down the Coke aisle as fast as our chariot would take us with our heads thrown back howling like a pack of wolves.

"OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" we howled in unison.

Some of the people were really amused and knew what we were doing. Others nervously took out their cell phones and seemed to dial Emergency. Still, others pushed their children behind them and shook their head disapprovingly at me. It was wonderful.

Not being one to stunt their creativity, they continued to howl at the top of their lungs outside as I loaded the GG (Grocery Getter). I buckled them into their seats and rolled the windows down because with the three of us howling, it can get pretty loud in a closed up vehicle. We made a quick stop by Subway and went through the drive-thru. The lady couldn't hear me "because of my dogs". I think when I laughed, just a little bit of pee came out. We pulled up to the window and they only get louder. I couldn't help but shrug my shoulders and join in again. The only thing that could have been better would be if the GG were painted yellow and black so people would think that I was simply driving "the short bus" on it's final route for the day.

It was a very very good day.

Open Door Policy

The Mrs. often complains that I spend too much time in the Dude Room. I would like to state that this is not really true. Usually, the lengthy durations in TDR occur while the children are still awake. I seem to spend the majority of the time talking to the children outside the door, explaining why they can't come in, or pretending not to see their little fingers sticking under the door and then pretending to be scared when they make "monster lion" noises between the door and the door jam.

I patiently answer every question they have and lovingly respond to each "Hi Daddy" coming from the other side of the door. As a result of this interactive experience, there is very little "productive" time in TDR. Yes, sometimes my legs go numb due to the length of time which seems to pass.

Effective at 5:00PM yesterday, September 2, 2007, I conceded to the demands of the young people of the kingdom and just don't care anymore. I now have an open door policy when in TDR. I do not care if they continue to bring cups of milk into the room, or small chairs in which they can sit. They can play with their baby dolls and bath toys and Morgan Dog is allowed to come in and have a seat too if he wishes (which he normally tries to do anyway). The time in TDR will now be multi-tasked so that time spent in TDR will be kept to a minimum. I can review emails from potential clients, talk to the children about their day, eat cookies with them - whatever. I think this new plan will help greatly and increase productivity in TDR.

Ehr Cip?

Well today came and went in the blink of an eye. A long day at work combined with Pre-Labor Day traffic meant little time for the family. I stopped by to pick up dinner at Sonic because the Mrs. wasn't feeling very well and it was too late for me to try and cook dinner. So we all gulped down our dinner and then visited for a little bit before bath time (followed immediately by bedtime).

"Daddy here's a hair clip for you!" Emma said proudly. "It has a monkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey on it."

"Oh thank you Emma." I replied "How does a monkey go?"

"Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo" she said hopping about like a monkey.

I put the hair clip in my ever thinning hair and acted like I didn't know where it was. The girls had a ball pointing to exactly where it was but I pretended that I couldn't find it. Now at this point, Emma new I was playing, but Chloe grew more and more concerned that I couldn't find it. After a while of doing this she smiled and realized I was just playing.

"Chloe do you want me to put this hair clip in your hair?" I asked her

"uh huh - ehr cip" she said (which I think means "yeah give me the hair clip daddy").

I gently put it into her hair.

"Oh Chloe you have a hair clip in your hair now!" I exclaimed.

She pretended not to know where it was and rubbed around on the top of her head and said "Ehr Cip, Daddy?"

It is so funny to see your children play pretend and joke around even with something as silly as a hair clip.

IHOP Octopi

Once a week (pretty much anyway), the Mrs. and I like to torment ourselves by taking our two precious children out to IHOP for a very unhealthy meal of saturated fats and high carbohydrate menu items. There is something about IHOP that transforms our beautiful little children into hyperactive octopi. I think that IHOP employees make a point to put the syrups and other goodies right out there so kids will get into them. When the temptation becomes too much, our children transform instantly into nothing but these midget sized tornadoes of sticky fingers, sucking up all condiments within their grasp. As they blow by, if you listen closely you can hear the winds howl

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy here are 437 Splenda packets for your tea...."

Last night was no exception. As Emma danced in her seat to "Dancing Queen", her little left hand just decided to do what it wanted. The Mrs. had to eat with Emma's left hand up in her face for most of the meal. Emma didn't even know she was doing it. Perhaps she was trying to keep her balance on the seat or perhaps she was trying to steal mommy's bacon right out of her mouth.

Chloe on the other hand decided it would be really fun to smear her strawberry pancakes all over her face and then play "bury the cutie pie" where she proceeded to clean her face on my shirt. When that didn't satisfy her appetite for entertainment, she quickly back slid out of her booster seat and played a lightning round of "lick the gum on the bottom side of the table".

I'm not sure if she did that last part or not but as her head was kind of stuck between the table and the booster seat for a moment before I got her out, she was muttering "Yucky Yucky" under her breath.

Eye Bandaids

Just a quick story for this evening's post from TDR. Emma was "picking up" her toys before bath time. This consists of three main steps:

a. rare back and toss said toy as high up the stairs as possible, aiming for the playroom doorway at the top of the stairs.

b. catch any toys that tumble back down the stairs and throw harder.

c. step over toys that remain on the stairs while dragging heavier things like baby strollers and such up the stairs.

I was getting a bath ready for the girls when I thought I heard thunder. A movement caught my eye and I looked out to see Emma doing cartwheels down the stairs. I dropped what I was doing and ran over, my heart racing at 190 beats per minute. She sat up and somehow jumped into my arms. I held her still and we worked over every part of her to make sure it wasn't broken or bleeding. Thank God everything is in working order and she doesn't even have a bruise. She had taken a tumble from the 3rd stair from the top to about half way down the stairs before she stopped. It could have been much worse. I explained to her why she tripped and that she now needs to do what Daddy always says which is "don't leave toys on the stairs". I think we now have that issue whipped.

Now getting my girls to take a bath is not very difficult. If I say "bubbles" in a moderate volume, they are naked and running toward the bathtub. NOTE TO SELF: be very careful when asking the girls if they would like to go blow bubbles when over at someone's house.

I finished up their washing before letting them play. As I was rinsing Emma's hair some of the bubbles got in her eye and she began to half cry/whine. I was trying not to laugh because I could tell she was faking.

She put her hands over her eyes and pretended to cry "Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy - my eyes hurt - put bandaids on them"

I don't understand how some fathers don't take an active role in bathtime. It is so funny to see your kids making themselves into unicorns with their wet hair, or pretending like they are cooking or making fart noises in the water with their squirt toys.

The laughter still echoes throughout the house even though they are fast asleep. I love my children dearly.

Dude Boobs

Tonight we were finishing up a great dinner when just as I imagined, all of the women in the house finally united as one against the King of the castle. I was blindsided by this one and I didn't stand a chance. As previously posted, it has been very hot as of late. Even inside... it's cool but not really as cool as we'd like it. I think there is an unspoken pact not to drop the AC any lower than it already is positioned on the thermostat. Anyway I copied a move I have seen women do before. It's a quick maneuver to tuck the shirt up under their boobs when going braless (not out in public of course). I guess it helps relieve boob sweat during the really hot months.

So anyway I had just tucked my shirt under my AA's (haha) when Chloe pointed to me and said

"BOOBIES!"

Emma immediately followed with "Does daddy wear a bra?"

The Mrs. of course was beside herself in laughter.

Dinner was great.

Doopy Doo & Stuck Fingers

Last night the girls got to stay with Mammy and Pop-Pop. It was a spontaneous thing and we weren't quite sure how they would do since they have gotten pretty used to sharing a room. Needless to say, Mammy and Pop-Pop called us around 930 this morning and said "I think the girls are ready to come home!"

We made some coffee and went to get the girls. After visiting with them for a bit, we piled back into the van and headed out. By then it was approaching their lunch time so we decided we'd go by Mcdonalds. Unfortunately the kids both fell asleep about a mile down the road. I drove very slowly and we took the long way back into town and over to get something to eat and take home.

On the way home, we hear Emma (who has recently graduated to the very back seat of the van to make room for Lydia), and she starts to cry.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked.

"MY FINGERS ARE STUCK!" she hollers from the back.

"Where are they stuck sweety?" I questioned.

"I DON'T KNOW DADDY!" she exclaims.

"Uh - Ok." I said quite dumbfounded. "Can you show me your fingers?" I asked.

She raises here little hands over the middle seat.

"Great! Can you move them?" I asked.

"No Daddy." she said sadly.

The best I can figure, her fingers aren't actually stuck in anything.... her right hand fell asleep from the way she was propping her head up in the car and she couldn't yet move her fingers. Poor girl. After explaining what happened she was ok and back to her happy self.

We go down this road that has a short but steep drop off. If you go over it too slow, you never feel it. If you go over too fast, you catch some serious air like Bo and Luke Duke. If you go over it at approximately 34 mph, it's fast enough to make your stomach drop without the tires coming off the ground.

As Emma sees this part of the road coming toward her she shrills with excitement "THE DOOPY DOO DADDY!!!"

She giggled the rest of the way home.

Rustle Rustle

So i'm lucky enough to have an employer at my day job that allows me to telecommute every now and then. It saves on gas, they get at least 90 minutes more of production from me (i trade driving time for work time). They know that I am working because they can see the results via regular updates. This luxury allows me to see into the lives of my children during the day time. My wife is a very strong woman to put up with what she does during the day.

The weather as of late, has been pretty brutal. High humidity and 97+ temperatures for 25 straight days. We are set to break the record of consecutive days over 90 degrees which was set at 30 days back in 1993. It looks like we will get about 34 days before a cool front is expected to sweep in. Dry heat is a misnomer.

So with it being as hot as it has been for the past few weeks, the women in this house walk around with their hair up off their necks to help them stay cool. Ceiling fans whir at high speed and there is plenty of juice and milk to keep people hydrated.

Until daddy works from home. Daddy is not privy to the Daytime Rule Set (DRS) so things tend to get mucked up because Daddy simply doesn't know that "Mommy lets us..." or "Mommy does it this way" etc...

The kids go to bed for their naps fully clothed sans shoes. Emma wanted Yellow Blanky so I gave it to her and she snuggled up with it and drifted off to sleep. After a good nap she came back into the den. I am working in my Dude chair on my laptop. I glance over to her and she looks like a drowned rat. Her hair is all nappy from sweat and her cheeks are flushed. She must have gotten too hot sleeping with Yellow Blanky.

"I'm hot" she says quietly as to not wake her mother napping on the couch.

"I'm sorry baby. Hold your hair up so the ceiling fan can blow on your neck and help cool you off." I replied.

She says "okay" and proceeds to move behind my chair and peek around at me making funny faces. I laugh at her and then delv back into my work.

Clickity Clickity Clickty goes the keyboard. Over the clicking of the keys I hear a soft sound from behind me. It's regular in rythm. It's not a sound that our insane Cocker would make. It's not scratching or rolling. I know no one is playing with the toy basket. No one is scooting a chair across the floor.

There it is again....

Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle...

I could probably keep perfect time to this sound. My curiosity overtakes me and I put down the laptop and stand up to see what is behind me.

And there it is.... my eldest beautiful daughter lying on the floor spread eagle on her back. It's obvious what she's doing and I start to laugh. I still have to ask her just to hear it outloud.

"Emma what are you doing sweety?" I question.

The most angelic smile accompanies her response of "It's hot Daddy so I'm making snow angels."




Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle

Rustle Rustle...

Yonry, Ishway & Foway

Chloe is really starting to talk about everything. Recently she has learned three new words which are Yonry, Ishway and Foway. Here's what they mean.

When Chloe either finds dirty clothes laying on the floor or wants to change into a new outfit (as she wants to do no less than 10 times per day), she must take the dirty clothes to the Yonry herself.

When Chloe has something interesting to show you, she motions for you to follow her as she says Ishway. Parental Note: It is not a very good sign when Ishway is preceded immediately by "uh oh", "uh oh daaaadeeeee", or "mommy".

When Chloe has something to throw away such as a piece of paper, some unknown sticky edible substance, or even one of her dirty diapers, she must go to the garbage can and throw it away herself. As she runs to the garbage can she repeats Foway quietly to herself.

That is all for now. She is kissing my big toe for some reason and I must go tickle her.

The Big Bad Pig

Tonight we were tucking the girls into bed. I knelt proudly on the floor next to Emma and softly talked to her as Momma was tending to Chloe on the other side of the room. She smiled up at me and in her sweet little voice told me how hard she played on the "big kid" playground at school, and that she colored a rainbow for me during color time. This is the best part of the day for me. It's not that i'm getting to put the kids to bed to have some peace and quiet. I love them all the time. However, when they are sleepy-eyed and silly, and feel safe and loved, and know they have my full attention - well that is just heaven from a father's perspective.

"Emma, will you tell me a bed-time story?" I quietly asked.

"Sure Daddy!" she replied with excitement.

There was a pause here and I think she sensed I was really going to listen to her. She had this look on her face which was a mix of excitement and sheer terror - almost as if she was thinking in her little mind "Oh boy I better make this good for Daddy!"

Now somewhere along the line in her thought process, I think she got a little ahead of herself. I can't remember it word-for-word because I was laughing so much. However, her bed-time story for me went something like this....

"Once upon a time there were three
little bears and they lived in this big house.
And there was a little girl but not a big girl, Daddy.
And her name was Rapunzel. And the Big Bad Pig
knocked in the door and gobbled them all up like this

WAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She was tickling me and just giggling. I've been laughing about the Big Bad Pig all night.

The Light Pole

The other day I was taking Emma and Chloe to their preschool. Chloe is the younger of the two and is just now really starting to talk. She's inquisitive about EVERYTHING. We were stopped at a stoplight and she asked "Daddy uh da hang?" which is her way of saying "Daddy - what's that thing?" I glanced over to where she was pointing (which was a standard galvanized steel light pole) and I said "Baby that's a light pole."

"Otay" she replied as she went on her way of singing Deep and Wide as loudly as possible.

Now not to be out done, Emma, aka 'Little Miss Oneup', shouted over her happily singing little sister - "DADDY THERE'S A DARK POLE" as she pointed to a brown wooden telephone pole.

Needless to say it is a good thing that we were stopped or I might have driven off the road.

The Kingdom of Dude

Hi! My name is Joe Shmo. I'm an average guy. I have a beautiful wife and soon to be three beautiful little girls. They are awesome and make the 60 hour work weeks worth it. All of the women in this family are red headed. It is not a cliche when I say that "redheads have a temper like a chipotle pepper." That is a simile - But it is true. The temper starts out kind of sultry and exotic and then quickly will burn your ass if you get too much of it. I'm very lucky to be a Cajun so I can take a good bit of spice. All kidding aside, my family is the reason I am who I am and I do what I do. I wouldn't have it any other way. However, I feel that with them being all redheaded and all of the female gender, I will be out-voted pretty much on everything for the rest of my life.

Most guys in my situation have the garage or out-building where they can go for their solace and "me time". I have no out-building and the garage is filled with containers of "women things" which my daughters and wife either currently use or will use in the near future. As a man, I need tools to do "man stuff" around the Kingdom to keep it operational and in proper working order. I have been quartered to a simple 4 shelf organizer for all of my manly tool items and such in the garage.

The only "Dude Room" I have is the toilet room inside the master bath of our house. It is cramped, noisy, and hot - but it is mine and I cherish it. This 4.5' x 2.5' room feels like a vast expanse to me sometimes and even though my legs are now numb because I can't stretch out - I am happy because I know that I have claimed this part of the Kingdom for myself. Welcome to the glimpse into my life as Joe Shmo. I'm just an average guy who absolutely adores his family and wants to share some of the funny reflections in the day of living with my girls. I will try to make nightly posts on a regular basis from The Dude Room.